Tim Quote #822
Quote from Tim in Maybe, Baby
Tim: As sure as a bear takes reading material into the woods, tools lose their edge. That's why Al and I are doing our Tool Time salute... [grinding] to sharpeners. Before we get to the meat of the show, though, something happened at my house today that got me thinking, and I was wondering...
Al: Tim? Didn't you promise this year that you would stick to tools and not get into your personal life?
Tim: A promise is a promise, isn't it? But does this mean anything to you at all? [crosses his fingers] So, I was hoping...
Al: Well, how would you like it if I talked about my personal life?
Tim: When you get one, we'll talk about it. Right now, I'd like to talk about women and babies. What is the big deal? Women and babies, babies and women. If women gave birth to cars, that would be a big deal. You'd have guys lined up in delivery rooms seeing that stuff, huh?
Audience: Yeah.
Tim: Imagine your wife delivering a 3,000-pound Ferrari. Yeah! Oh, yeah. Slip it in gear, kiss your wife, drive the baby home. [laughs]
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Maybe, Baby’ Quotes
Quote from Jill
Jill: We never actually said that we weren't gonna have another baby.
Tim: I've said it. I know I've talked about it. I mentioned it on Tool Time.
Jill: Oh, great. So 11 people know about it?
Tim: You remember babies at all? Dirty diapers. Colic? 2 am feedings. 3 am feedings. I don't have the energy for that anymore.
Jill: You don't have the energy to say, "Wake up, Jill, the baby wants you"?
Quote from Randy
Tim: I thought you guys weren't supposed to watch that Goosebump Theater. Doesn't it give you nightmares?
Randy: Well, Tool Time gives us nightmares, and you make us watch that.
Tim: Hey, he's going after those guys with a Binford 5100 chain saw. That's a chain saw and a half. Good choice, ghoul.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Dobry dyen, good neighbor.
Tim: Huh?
Wilson: That's Russian for "hi-de-ho." I'm playing chess by mail with a grand master in Moscow.
Tim: Got a minute?
Wilson: Tim, I am your pawn.
Tim: Jill wants to have another baby.
Wilson: Well, Tim, I'm not sure I can help you there.
Tim: That's not the area I'm having trouble with. [grunts]