Tim Quote #755
Jill: She was in the area. I asked her to drop by.
Tim: You don't want to meet her.
Jill: Oh, yes. I would love to meet the famous Stacey Lewis. The love of your high-school life. Is she, uh, pretty?
Tim: Come on. How pretty can she be? She's almost your age.
Quote from Wilson
Tim: When I broke up with this girl, I never called to tell her.
Wilson: So, you lied to her?
Wilson: Well, according to Robert Louis Stevenson, you did. He said, "The cruelest lies are often told in silence."
Tim: Hm. But didn't Calvin Coolidge say,"Nothing he never said ever did him any harm"?
Wilson: Very good. Thomas Mann once said, "A harmful truth is better than a useful lie."
Tim: Not bad. Wait, wait, wait! Turkish proverbs was, "He who tells the truth will be chased out of nine villages."
Wilson: Excellent. But I believe the final word would be Heywood Broun. "For truth there is no deadline."
Tim: Oh! That's three to two. You beat me, Wilson.
Quote from Tim
Jill: I should have known that you would never call her. What is it with you men? You can't make a simple phone call to end a relationship.
Tim: Well, if it had been a simple phone call, I probably would have made it. "Hey, Stacey. Yeah, it's Tim. It's over. Bye-bye."
Jill: You just don't understand. You cannot leave women dangling. We need closure.
Tim: No, you want to beat it to death is what you want to do. "Yeah, mm-hm, OK, Tim. OK, it's over, I accept that. Yeah. But I think we should get together and talk about it. Uh-huh. Minute by minute. Detail by detail. Broken promise by broken promise! Maybe I'll bring my lawyer, my accountant, my father, the minister. And maybe the check-taker. I hate you!"
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.