Tim Quote #688
Tim: In order to get a new floor, we gotta lift off the old floor.
Al: That's right. And for that, we can use a simple, basic, scraper.
Tim: But that wouldn't be any fun. Let's use the Dry Ice method. You just put Dry Ice down there, it lifts the asphalt tiles right up.
Al: Actually, Tim... Uh... Using Dry Ice, you'd need an awful lot of Dry Ice for that to work.
Tim: For once, Al, you're totally correct.
Al: So what we'll do is, we'll be using the... [engine starts] the simple, basic, scraper. And you can pick this up at just about any hardware store...
[After Tim drives onto set in a Skid Steer Loader, the vehicle breaks through the wooden floor and tilts forward, crushing Al's mother's tea set]
Tim: We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.
Quote from Wilson
Tim: I want Brad to be a good student.
Tim: So I told him that multiplying compound fractions is a real important part of that. But, you know, between you and me, it's kinda useless information.
Wilson: Well, I don't know about that, Tim. There was a time when I thought my extensive research into ancient tribal cultures, obscure scientific data, the thoughts of great philosophers, would never come in handy. Then you moved in.
Quote from Randy
Randy: Guess I'd better get my books.
Jill: Not so fast. Why doesn't Brad wanna go to school?
Randy: Uh... 'Cause he and Jennifer broke up.
Jill: They did? Why? What happened?
Randy: I don't know.
Jill: Well, she must have dumped him, or he wouldn't be so depressed.
Randy: Yeah, that's it. You know how sensitive Brad is.
Jill: His little heart is broken.
Randy: And his little tongue is burned.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.