Tim Quote #488
Quote from Tim in May the Best Man Win
Tim: Thank you very much. And welcome once again to Tool Time. I'm your host, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. You all know my assistant, Al "I'm Always Free on Saturday" Borland. Boy, am I revved up about today's show. We've got a killer project coming up. Not some wimpy project, but something every red-blooded kidney- stone-passing American male dreams of. [grunts]
Al: And what would that be, Tim?
Tim: See! Even Al's excited about this one. There is nothing like renovating a house top to bottom. Oh, yeah.
That's why this week, today we begin our project house. Oh, yeah. Out with the old, in with the new. Tear down the past, put up the future. One of my better ideas. I don't know how I keep thinking of this stuff, Al.
Al: Perhaps from watching Bob Vila every week...
Tim: Anyway, let's take a look at these. Here are some ideas that might give you ideas about putting your home back in shape. Here's your typical '30s Craftsman home. Oh, yeah, look at that. And here's after a crafty redo. Ohh... look at that. Here's your typical '50s bungalow. [grunts] Not so nice. Here's a beautiful remodel on that. Hey, yeah... And here's a little shack I found. And look what I did to it over the weekend without any help from Al. [sitar plays as Tim holds up a photograph of the Taj Mahal]
Home Improvement Quotes
‘May the Best Man Win’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: Come here. I'm gonna try to work this out, OK? Let's say you got this business. Uh, bubblegum factories. Somebody comes in and tries...
Mark: Do I have cherry bubblegum?
Tim: Oh, yeah, yeah. Probably racks of the best they have. Of course, a lot of that cherry bubblegum. Anyway, so...
Mark: Do I have baseball cards?
Tim: Yeah, you got baseball cards. You've got a little assistant with a little beard. Whatever you want. You got everything. Anyway, so... you got this bubblegum factory - cherry bubblegum and the baseball stuff - and this girl comes in, tries to run things. You know, you've been running it for quite a while and made a big success out of it. But this little red-headed little... you know, little nice little girl, she comes in and takes over. What do you do?
Mark: I tell Mommy.
Tim: But Mommy's not home, is she? [Mark shakes his head] And so the girl takes over your bubblegum factory. You know, it's just the way life is, Mark.
Quote from Jill
Jill: This is so weird, you know. I mean, I get to go to work and everything, but I don't get to be here when you kids get home from school. I keep thinking of that first day that I walked you to kindergarten, Brad. You know, you went up those stairs and turned around waved your little chubby hand and said, [feigns crying] "B'bye, Mommy."
Randy: "B'bye, Mommy."
Jill: Oh, come on. Stop, stop.
Quote from Tim
Brad: Dad, how come you didn't make your famous chocolate-chip pancakes?
Tim: Because I didn't have time to make 'em. Just eat your cereal, will ya?
Randy: Well, Mom usually slices up bananas. Why don't you?
Tim: Because I don't love you as much as Mom does.