Dwayne Quote #4

Quote from Dwayne in Read My Hips

Tim: The reason I asked these guys down here is a darn good one. These guys probably have the toughest job in construction in the state of Michigan - workin' on the high steel. And these guys have a perfect safety record for the last 195 days. 195. Think about that...
Rock: Uh, Timmy. I'm afraid that record stopped at 194.
Tim: Good night, nurse. What happened?
Rock: Well, yesterday, somebody had a little accident with a rivet.
Pete: Well, you see, Tim, I was so excited about coming back on your show, I let one of those red-hot rivets slip.
Dwayne: Yes, you did.
[Dwayne bends over to reveal a rivet-sized hole in his hard hat, before removing it to reveal a bandage on his bald head]
Tim: Hey, look on the bright side. You didn't burn any hair.
Al: Tim, rivet accidents are no laughing matter.
Tim: And neither are you, Al.

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 ‘Read My Hips’ Quotes

Quote from Jill

Jill: Why don't you just ever tune in to me?
Tim: What am I supposed to do? Read your mind? At least when I want something, it's pretty clear what it is I want.
Jill: Well, that's true, Tim. Your signals are real clear. You crush a beer can on your head, that means, "I need another one." You belch... [belches] that's, "I'm done." And, "Honey, I took a shower," that's, "Wake up, I'm ready."

Quote from Al

Tim: Thank you very much and welcome to Tool Time. I'm your host, of course, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, and you all know my assistant Al "I can't find a better job" Borland. [chuckles] Anyway, all this week Al and I will be doin' our salute to safety, 'cause, after all, Al, a safe workplace is a happy workplace. Right?
Al: I wouldn't know, Tim.

 Dwayne Hoover Quotes

Quote from Flying Sauces

Dwayne: You know, I'm out on the job site, way out. Nowhere close to your ordinary kitchen utensils. So I got to improvise. Now, this here, is the dipstick off my '87 two-ton pickup. With this, I make my southern specialty. Shish-ke-billy-bob. Now, the important thing to remember, Tim, before you start cooking is to get all that oil off your dipstick. Now, I like to alternate my meat and my vegetables.
Tim: How do you feel about that, Al?
Al: Well, I'm still thinking about that dipstick, Tim.
Dwayne: I prefer to use USDA Choice cube steak. Pearl onions, green peppers. And just a touch of summer squash for color. No need to make mealtime a drab affair, huh, Tim?
Tim: Perish that thought, Dwayne.
Dwayne: Now, for the seasoning. I turn to my assistant, Pete.
Pete: That would be me. I like to lightly dust the kebab with... just a hint of sage and some tarragon.
Dwayne: Well, I prefer rosemary, but...
Tim: Dwayne, rosemary's much too harsh...
Dwayne: Pete, this is neither the time nor the place. Now, ordinarily, Tim, I would wrap this in tinfoil and put it on a hot engine. But we don't have time for all that. Here, hold that, Al, will you? Thank you. Now. Pete's got one... Pete's got one all cooked up and ready for us to taste.
Pete: There you go, Tim. Give that a whirl. Yeah. How do you like that?
Tim: This is delicious. I detect a hint of 10W-30 on that thing, though.

Quote from Bell Bottom Blues

Tim: Well, then, help me out, guys. How does one man show another man he just appreciates what he does?
Dwayne: Well, you buy him a couple Lions tickets.
Tim: Hey, all right.
Rock: Or let him borrow your truck.
Tim: Good one.
Pete: You could pour beer over his head.
Tim: Yeah, yeah!
Dwayne: And I did not appreciate that.