Tim Quote #159

Quote from Tim in Look Who's Not Talking

Tim: Anyway, next time, Al and I will show you how to complete the entire bookcase. And that brings us to the Tool Time tip of the day: housecleaning. Oh, I can hear the guys out there going, [inquisitive grunt] "Get the wife in here, Tim. So she can hear this." No, no, no, men. Housekeeping, housecleaning. House-taking-care-of is like shop maintenance. It's for men, too. Men, it's the '90s. We should share in the housecleaning responsibilities, right? [audience are silent] I didn't hear anything. You know, I'm judging from the lack of enthusiasm that you men are disinterested. And maybe it's because they do not design housecleaning equipment with men in mind. If they did, it would have what?
Audience: More power!
Tim: You're darn right, more power. And maybe a little style, too. How can they expect us to clean a house with housecleaning equipment that's not designed for us? Oh, the Daisy Soft Sweep Decor Series in harvest gold. The vacuum cleaner from hell. What is this all about? I want a man's vacuum cleaner. How about an Indianapolis 500 version? All burnished chrome, matte black, analogue gauges, turbo boost in there. [imitates engine] More power, it'll suck the throat out of a parrot. [grunts] Whew. Maybe I stepped over the line just a little bit just then. But I think you get my point. There's nothing wrong with a man doing housework. I mean, Al does a lot of the cleaning around here.
Al: I do all the cleaning, Tim.
Tim: Yeah, right, Al.
Al: Well, I could use some help.
Tim: We all could, Al. I'm Tim Taylor. I want to give you a little tip here. Half the dirt in the world is men's. Let's clean it up. See you next time.

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 ‘Look Who's Not Talking’ Quotes

Quote from Jill

Tim: Don't think of the audience as a group. When I first did Tool Time, I was petrified. So I tried to visualize it as just one person.
Jill: The first time you did Tool Time there was just one person.
Tim: That's not my point. I tried to visualize that person as being in their underwear.
Jill: He was in his underwear.
Tim: He was not.

Quote from Tim

Brad: Come on, Dad, we want to go back to the park. I told Bob and Stinky that we'd be back.
Tim: Well, Bob and Stinky are just gonna have to wait. 'cause we're gonna clean this house up for your ma. We do that to support our woman.
Brad: I don't have a woman.
Tim: Well, maybe Stinky could set you up with one.
Mark: I have a woman, Mommy.
Randy: Your mommy can't be your woman, doofus.
Tim: A lot of men pay a psychiatrist a lot of money to figure that one out, I tell you.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Well, she's probably just afraid of appearing foolish in public. I believe it was Samuel Clemens who said...
Tim: Samuel Clemens?
Wilson: Well, you'd know him better as Mark Twain.
Tim: Oh.
Wilson: But that was just a pseudonym. A sobriquet.
Tim: Of course - a pseudonym, a sobriquet. Spell one of those. Pick one. Just...
Wilson: Let's just say pen name, Tim.
Tim: OK.
Wilson: Anyway, he said: "Better to have people think you're a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." [chuckles] My, my, my, my. What do you think about that, Tim? [Tim is silent] Tim.