Tim Quote #99

Quote from Tim in Nothing More Than Feelings

Tim: Wait a minute. I topped you both. My wife drools in her sleep.
Jim: Disgusting.
Tim: And I'm not talking about a little puddle. I'm talking about, "Hook up the hose. Let's water the lawn." No, no, no. "Man the lifeboats, she's drooling. Get in. [sings] She's drooling, drooling Drooling down the river Drooling, drooling. Drooling down the river..."
Al: Tim.
Tim: What is it, Al? Come on, join in.
Al: We only have a few minutes left, Tim.
Tim: Al, we're having an important discussion here.
Al: About drool, Tim?

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 ‘Nothing More Than Feelings’ Quotes

Quote from Mark

Mark: Mommy, I'm worried.
Jill: About what, honey?
Mark: If you drool and sleep on your back, won't you drown?
Jill: No, honey. Thank you for your concern. Eat a carrot.

Quote from Tim

Tim: How long has the oil light been on, Jill?
Jill: Oil light...
Tim: The oil light. Next to the speedometer. A little red light with an oil can on it.
Jill: Oh, that thing. I don't know, two or three days.
Tim: Two or three days? It's a warning light. Didn't it occur to you there might be a little problem?
Jill: I thought if there was a problem with the car, that the light would get brighter or there would be a buzzer.
Tim: A buzzer?! It's a car, not a game show.

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.