Tim: Wilson, I think I heard a mouse in my basement and Jill got real freaked out about that itty-bitty thing. Can you believe that?
Wilson: Well, fear is perfectly natural. Everybody's afraid of something.
Tim: What about you, Wilson? What are you afraid of?
Wilson: I do have one underlying fear, Tim. I'm afraid that reality as we know it is someone else's dream, and... when the dreamer awakes, I'll no longer exist.
Tim: Wilson, I wouldn't share that with too many people.

Tim: OK, guys. Come on down to the basement. The climate control center of our house. Watch what you're doing. [hits head on pipe] I want you guys to meet a friend of mine. The Binford Vulcan-O-Master 5000. A quantum leap ahead of the 4000 model which we replaced this year. This is 150,000 BTU.
Randy: What's a BTU?
Tim: Technical term.
Randy: Yeah, but what's it stand for?
Tim: U is because it's a unit. B is because it's a big, beautiful Binford. That's B. T is heat. Big Heat Unit. That's what this is.
Randy: Dad, heat starts with H.
Tim: Give me that flashlight, will you?
Randy: Dad! Heat starts with H.
Tim: Heat ends with T. Heat. Heat, heat.

Mark: What are we gonna make?
Jill: I am going to have the whole Scout troop make their own paper-bag masks.
Mark: Is that all? Billy's mom helped us make a real tepee.
Jill: She did?
Mark: And she made beef jerky from raw meat.
Jill: Billy's mom is a Stepford wife. You're getting pizza and paper-bag masks.