Brad: Dad, since Al's not going to be there tomorrow, do you think I could be your assistant?
Tim: You mean, you take Al's place?
Brad: Yeah. I mean, I know a lot about tools, and I can say, "I don't think so, Tim."
Tim: [chuckles] Well, what about school?
Brad: I'd only miss a couple of classes.
Tim: It's in the afternoon. Would you miss the important ones? You know, like shop?
Brad: Nah, just history and math.
Tim: In that case, all right, yeah.

Tim: Hey, hey, hey! Could you please turn that junk down?
Randy: It's not junk, it's heavy metal.
Tim: Well it sounds like they're banging their heads on their guitars while getting their teeth drilled.
Randy: Hey, cool. You saw the video.

Brad: Now, we'll be using a number nine medium-tooth blade in our scroll saw.
Tim: Right. Welcome to the Scroll Saw Grand Prix, starring championship driver Brad Taylor. He was in pole position at his first cut. Notice how he keeps his fingers away from the blade, on the advice of his crew chief "Three Fingers" Morgan. A lousy crew chief but a great bowler. As he comes around that corner, there's no one even near him. Can he hold the race to the end? We don't know. Watch this, for the grand... [makes engine noises] Watch out! The finish line... Checkered flag! Good work.
Brad: Thanks, Dad.
Tim: You know, watching that amazing scrolling, I'm thinking maybe I'll make Mom a heart instead of a pipe rack.
Brad: Well, aren't you gonna trace your design first?
Tim: Son, you been scrolling as long as I have, you don't need to waste time tracing. I want you to be my commentator.
Brad: All right. Welcome to the Scroll Saw 500. Tim Taylor's at the wheel. Uh-oh! All the other scrollers are leaving the track! They're afraid for their lives! Now, the race is up to Tim Taylor. All he has to do is finish the heart and the victory's his. Now, let me tell you, I bet my dad's gonna make a great-looking heart. He's at the finish line. Is it great? Um, Dad. That doesn't look like a heart. It looks more like a kidney.
Tim: Well, yes, it does. Well, a heart says, "I love you," but a kidney says, "I gotta go."
Brad: Well, guess what. And so do we. We'll be right back after these words from Binford.

Tim: Yeah, you had the audience eating out of your hand. One of these days, you'll have your own star on the Tool Time Walk of Fame. Right near mine, and way ahead of Al's.

Randy: [phone rings] I'll get it.
Brad: Hey, don't bother. I'm sure it's for me. It's probably Heidi.
Randy: Yeah, she just wants to know what time she should come over to baby-sit you.
Brad: You're just jealous. [answers phone] Hello. Oh. Hi, Ashley. Oh, you loved the show?
Randy: Not as much as Brad loves Heidi.
Brad: I'm gonna pound you, you little punk. No, not you, Ashley. Um...
Randy: [sings] Brad and Heidi, sitting in a tree...
Brad: Could I call you right back?
Randy: K-i-s-s-i-n-g...

Jill: So what do you think is going on with Randy?
Tim: There's nothing going on. He's just being Mr. Obnoxious.
Jill: Maybe he's reacting to his equally obnoxious brother, Mr. Hot-for-Heidi.
Tim: You should know she's a master electrician.
Jill: Yeah, right.

Jill: It's the competition between siblings for the love and attention of their parents.
Tim: So Randy's acting like this to get our attention?
Jill: No. I think he's acting like this to get your attention.
Tim: Why does he just want my attention?
Jill: 'Cause you took Brad on Tool Time.
Tim: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. This is classic Freud. Transferring blame to the tool show host.

Tim: I got an idea. How would you like to be on Tool Time with me next week?
Randy: Why? Is Brad holding out for more money?
Tim: This is nothing to do with Brad. I thought it'd be fun. We could do a project together.
Randy: No, thanks.
Tim: Heidi'll be there. She's a master electrician.

Wilson: Neighbor, have you seen my fuzzy woolly bear?
Tim: No, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Wilson: No, Tim. The fuzzy woolly bear I'm referring to is a type of caterpillar. Oh, there you are, little fella.
Tim: Just one question, Wilson. Pet or dinner?
Wilson: It's a weather forecaster, Tim. You see, by measuring the width of the stripe on the caterpillar's back, I can tell you how long and cold the winter's gonna be.

Jill: And, see, this is kinda harder for Randy, because he's a middle child, just like I was.
Brad: Mom, Mom, please. Not the wallaby story. [exits]
Jill: We went to the zoo every year. [Tim enters] Robin got to see the monkeys.
Tim: Oh, no, no!
Jill: Katie got to see the zebras.