Jill: How did all of this get started?
Wendy: We used to work together. But we always had this great mental chemistry. Do you know what it's like when you and a man that you are crazy about are on the same intellectual wavelength?
Jill: No. But go on.

Wendy: Well, one night last spring, I was at the TV station where I used to work, Channel 8, and Scott and I were both stuck there late, writing extra sports columns...
Jill: Hold on a second. Did you say Scott?
Wendy: Yeah, Scott. Well, anyway, it was late, and we got hungry...
Jill: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just... I wanna make sure that I heard you correctly. You did say Channel 8, the TV station?
Wendy: Yeah, the TV station. Anyway, it was...
Jill: The only reason I ask is that sometimes, if a patient's under stress, they'll get their facts confused, you know? Like they might say TV station when really what they mean is a train station or a bus station.
Wendy: Are you under stress?
Jill: No! No, no. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Tim: It's not me, is it? Heidi! She's cheating on Scott. The guy just rebuilt my carburetor, for God's sake!
Jill: It's not Heidi. Heidi would never do anything like that.
Tim: Heidi wouldn't do anything like that? Oh, and you're suggesting Scott would do something like that? Oh, you know, it's always the man! You women get up on your high moral horse, you know? This guy would not do anything like that! He's a car guy!
Jill: This car guy did do that.
Tim: I don't believe it. He's a Chevy guy.
Jill: He's parking his Chevy in another garage.

Tim: I don't believe it.
Jill: Tim... Look, this new patient came into my office today and told me that she was having an affair with a good-looking, married sportswriter named Scott who works at Channel 8.
Tim: "Good-looking, married sportswriter, named Scott who works at Channel 8." And you naturally assume it's the same good-looking, married sportswriter that works at Channel 8, named Scott, who's married to Heidi?
Jill: Tim, it's the same Scott! He wined her, he dined her and then he surprised her with a wooden owl.
Tim: I've never heard it called that before.

Heidi: I'm so glad we're finally able to get together.
Tim: This is fun. Not big, greasy men body-slamming each other.
Jill: We'll save that for our anniversary.
Tim: Isn't there supposed to be a celery stalk or pickle in the Bloody Marys?
Antonio: Sometimes in life, we do not get everything we want.
Tim: You know, we've been coming to this restaurant for 10 years. When are we going to get something other than the attitude?
Antonio: When you go to another restaurant.

Scott: So you guys know about Wendy. I don't know what to say.
Tim: Well, I bet you know what to say when you're working on Wendy's float bowls.
Heidi: Wendy? Wendy Reynolds. Scott, what's going on with you and Wendy?
Antonio: I'm guessing he's stuffing the cannoli. I'll give you two more minutes to decide.

Heidi: You slept with Wendy Reynolds.
Scott: It was months ago before she left the station, when you and I were separated.
Heidi: Scott, we were separated three weeks!
Scott: I didn't know what I was doing. I was lonely. I was miserable.
Heidi: I was lonely. I was miserable. But do I jump in the sack with Tim?

Jill: I'm sorry that we have to leave.
Antonio: Ah, I hope you found the free dinner rolls to your satisfaction.
Tim: Actually, they were a tad yeasty.

Jill: Oh, I feel so terrible.
Tim: So do I. I spent 20 bucks on two drinks.

Jill: I'm talking about Scott and Heidi. I thought we agreed not to say anything about this!
Tim: I snapped. I just can't believe he'd do that to my good friend Heidi.
Jill: Oh, I know. I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's totally my fault. I should've known if I told you, you wouldn't be able to keep your big yap shut.
Tim: How come when it's your fault, it winds up being my fault?
Jill: No, no, no. I should never have betrayed my patient's confidence. What I did... I disgraced the entire psychology profession.
Tim: You think you got it bad? Because of what Scott did, it's a dark day for all Chevy guys.