Lillian: There, now. I think that looks lovely.
Tim: Yeah. Now we have a tea set, but we don't know what teatime is without a clock. [Jill shakes her head] Lillian, do you know what time it is?
Lillian: Uh, no, I didn't put on my watch today.
Tim: Gosh darn it.
Jill: There's a clock right here on the oven, Tim.
Tim: I know, but those oven clocks are so small. What we need is a big old antique clock.
Jill: Go to London.

Wilson: Boy, you are just the man I wanna see.
Tim: Yeah?
Wilson: I've got a birthday present for Mark.
Tim: Oh, that's nice of you, but I don't think I want to pierce his ears so early.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, Tim. It's not an earring. It's a dream catcher. Children of the Chippewa Indians hang them in their window at night to catch the bad dreams. Then in the morning the sunshine whisks the bad dreams away.
Tim: You got anything that'll whisk a mother-in-law away?
Wilson: Nana problems, Tim?
Tim: Nah, nah.

Lillian: Well, all right, but if you and Jill are having problems...
Tim: It's not between me and Jill. It's between you and Jill.
Lillian: What are you talking about?
Tim: She doesn't want the tea set, she wants the clock.
Lillian: The clock?
Tim: Yeah.
Lillian: Well, why didn't she just tell me?
Tim: Well, I just don't know. It's a mother-daughter emotional separation thing, or something. I came from a family of all guys. We were very clear about our emotional separations. I hit my brother, I laugh, he cries.
Lillian: What?
Tim: I can't explain it. You gotta read the book Hey, Mother, I'm Selfish.

Jill: It's no big deal, Mom. It doesn't matter.
Lillian: Well, apparently it is. He says that we don't talk, that we don't share feelings. Now, that's not true, is it?
Jill: Well, in a way, Mom. I mean, you're always the one that's saying we shouldn't get emotional.
Lillian: When did I ever say anything like that?
Jill: All the time.
Lillian: When?
Jill: OK. For example... There was that time in Virginia. I was playing in the sandbox and you came up to tell me that we were moving for the third time in two years, and I started to cry. And you said, "Don't get emotional. Crying isn't going to help. We're a military family, this is who we are."
Lillian: Well, I'm sorry, honey, but I don't remember that.
Jill: It was an important conversation, Mom.
Lillian: Jill, I had five daughters. There were lots of important conversations.

Lillian: Now, you just hold it right there, young lady. Now, all that moving was hard on the whole family, and your father knew that. Seeing us upset would have made things worse for him. We all had to be good little soldiers.
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, I remember all that "good little soldier" stuff. Having to keep the house in perfect shape. Lining us up in our perfect little dresses with all the other officers' kids.
Lillian: Yes, that's right. We were mean, lean and clean. But we had fun, too. You and your sisters played hopscotch and jacks just like all the other little girls. You and I had our teatime.
Jill: We had our what?
Lillian: Teatime. We'd have tea and cookies, but I'd tell you we were having tea and crumpets. [chuckles] Then when your father came home you'd tell him we had tea and puppets.
Jill: "Tea and puppets"? I said that? That is so cute. How could you stand me?
Lillian: Sometimes I couldn't.
Jill: So that's why you wanted me to have the tea set?
Lillian: Well, yes. I... I know you look at that tea set and you see some old cups and a chipped saucer, but I look at that tea set and I see you.

Al: Tim, I believe our show today is about decks.
Tim: That's right. And I certainly know my way around a deck. Let's get into the construction technique, can we? Now, the footing here holds the post. The post is connected to the beam. The beam is connected to the joist. The joist is connected to the hipbone. The hipbone's connected to the thighbone. Al, take it. Come on, buddy.
Al: Not in this life, Tim.
Tim: And once you get your deck finished, it's solid enough even Nana could jump on this thing.
Al: Tim, you don't... No, you don't... [Tim catapults a can into the air when he stomps on an unfinished board]
Tim: Binford Sealant. You can pick it up at your local store.

Brad: Hi, Mom. Is Nana here yet?
Jill: No, not yet. Don't put your books on the table! Don't walk on the floor, I just mopped it.
Tim: Hi, guys.
Jill: Freeze.
Tim: Oh, lady, lady. Come on. All the dust I have is in my back pocket, right there. I got a little extra lint in my bellybutton.
Jill: I've just mopped the floor. I don't want you to walk on it. Take off your shoes. Hey, guys, take all of that stuff upstairs and hide it.
Tim: [whistles] Every time your mom comes here, you turn into Helga the psycho-cleaner.
Jill: I do not. I'm just tidying up a bit. Don't touch that. You're gonna get fingerprints all over it.
Tim: How do you see out of the back of your head?

Jill: That's my mom. Brad. Randy. Mark. Uh, go and comb your hair. Tim?
Tim: I have no opinion.
Jill: Good.
Tim: She's a little early. I didn't have time to widen the doorframe.
Jill: No more fat jokes.

Lillian: Ta-da!
Tim: Whoa! Where's the rest of you? Are you coming in shifts?

Tim: You do look sensational. I can't remember being able to hug you and touch my hand.