Ilene: It's 10:30. Maybe we should cut the cake.
Benny: Cake? Now you're talking. Somebody light the candles and make a wish.
Marty: I wish I didn't eat so many kung-pao crickets. Keep getting this weird urge to rub my legs together.

Tim: As usual, Martin, you're an hour late.
Marty: Yeah, yeah. I was on the phone with Ma. You know how she goes on and on.
Tim: She doesn't like talking on the phone.
Marty: She likes talking to me.
Mr. Leonard: She hated talking to me. When he was in high school, every time I'd call her, I'd say, "Hello, Mrs.
Taylor." She'd say, "Oh, God, what's he done now?"

Benny: Hey, Marty. Nice sweater.
Tim: Wow. That reminds me of something - when one of the kids spit up after eating a whole box of crayons.
Marty: That's very funny. Yeah.
Harry: Jeez. Who dresses you? Your wife?
Marty: She didn't dress me. She just bought it and... made me wear it.

Marty: Yeah, well, all I know is once you have that happen, you're... you're a changed man.
Al: You are not. It doesn't change you at all.
Marty: Tell that to my dog. We had Boomer neutered. He was a changed animal. All he does now is he just runs around in circles all day and chews on my slippers.
Tim: He always did that, Marty.
Marty: Yeah. But now he does it and he's got this real sad look on his face.
Tim: Look, I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Marty: Well, you'd better talk about it now 'cause after you get it done, [high-pitched] you're gonna be talking like this.
Benny: [laughs] You can be your own tool girl.

Marty: You, uh... you starting the lighting contest a little early?
Tim: Well, my strategy this year is to intimidate Doc Johnson, OK?
Marty: What are you gonna do? Stick a reindeer head in his bed? [off Tim's look] Oh...
Tim: That's not a bad idea.

Randy: Hey, step on it, Uncle Marty. Dad's getting away from us.
Marty: [chuckles] Who would have thought a truck that big could go that fast?
Brad: I can't believe we have to spend part of our Christmas break helping Grandma move.
Marty: Oh, come on! What else would you guys be doing?
Brad: Hanging out with my girlfriend.
Randy: Going to parties.
Mark: Seeing all the new movies.
Marty: Anybody interested in switching lives?

Benny: Boy, Al! I never thought I'd see the day when you took the fatal plunge.
Marty: Aw, come on! I wouldn't call it a plunge.
Tim: Marty, what would you call it?
Marty: More like a slow agonizing death.

Marty: She takes her nap between 2:00 and 4:00, but don't let her sleep more than two hours or she'll keep you up all night.
Jill: I got it under control. In fact, I've got all these fun activities planned for us. We're gonna have a tea party, play dress-up.
Tim: Dress-up? That'll be so much fun! 'cause I've got this darling off-the-shoulder number to die for.
Jill: Have a great time up at the lake.
Marty: OK, thanks. OK, honey. I'll see you in two sleeps. Be a good girl for your Aunt Tim and Uncle Jill.
Tim: I think he means Uncle Tim and Aunt Jill.
Marty: Oh, right. I was thinking of you playing dress-up.

Lucille: Jeff was a just little ahead of his time, that's all. But he's got some great ideas for what he's gonna do next.
Jeff: Yeah, and I haven't forgotten that money I owe you.
Tim: Money? What money?
Jeff: I'll get it paid back to you sooner than you think because I'll be saving a lot of money, you know, living here with Mommy... Mom, Mom!
Marty: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're a grown man who's gonna let his mother cook for him and clean for him, and take care of him when he's sick? You're a lucky S.O.B.

Al: What's so funny?
Tim: Wilson claims he saw an extraterrestrial.
Marty: Where? His family reunion?
Tim: Extraterrestrial. Like an alien, spaceships, [whistles]...