Jill: Look, tomorrow, we'll go and we'll get your eyes checked, and if you need glasses, we'll just make sure that you get some really cool frames.
Mark: You think I'd look good in aviator glasses?
Jill: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I'd fly anywhere with you.
Mark: Thanks, Mom.
Jill: Honey. It makes me feel so good that we still have our special bond. You know, that you feel comfortable coming to me when you need to talk.
Mark: Well, you were the only one home.

Brad: I can't believe Mark won the contest. And we didn't even get anything.
Jill: I knew you'd win.
Brad: If you ask me, the whole thing was fixed.
Randy: Yeah, you should've seen the judges. It was an all-flannel panel.
Mark: Guys, I won fair and square. I can't help it if Al's mom was the head judge.

Tim: It's a joke. it's a little joke. She knows it. End of story, OK?
Mark: Well, why isn't she talking to you?
Tim: You know, you're starting to act a lot like Brad and Randy here.
Mark: Thanks.

Wilson: Mark, are you familiar with photons?
Mark: Sure. I slept on one at my friend Jimmy's house.
Wilson: No, no, I think you're speaking of futons.

Mark: The teacher gave me a tough one today. It's about money.
Tim: Hm. What's the problem?
Mark: All right. "Sam has $8. Billy has nothing."
Tim: Wait, wait, wait. Should use real money. Eight bucks?
Mark: Yeah.
Tim: Four, five, six... cool. All right, go ahead.
Mark: All right.
Tim: I'll be Sam. You be Billy.
Mark: Sam gives Billy, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's $4. One, two, three, four.
Mark: Thanks, Sam.
Tim: All right. Now, Billy gives Sam, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's two out of the four. OK.
Mark: One, two.
Tim: That's pretty simple. OK.
Mark: All right. Now, Sam gives Billy, a hundred percent of what he has left.
Tim: All right.
Mark: "...how much does Sam have?"
Tim: Nothing.
Mark: Exactly. Thanks, Sam. [walks away with the money]
Tim: Sam wasn't a real bright guy, was he?

Jill: Hi, Mark. [Mark is silent] You're still not talking to me? Oh, honey! Look. Look. I got you something really cool. This is a P-38 Lightning.
Mark: Keep it. I don't care about planes anymore.
Jill: Well, couldn't you find another hobby?
Mark: Like what? Stamp collecting?
Jill: Well, that'd be good. Or coins or paperweights. I, as a child, collected butterflies.
Mark: I, as a child, could care less.

Mark: Nice. Is that Lauren's birthday gift?
Randy: Yeah. I got her a really nice pen, engraved with her initials.
Mark: A pen? And you want to be her boyfriend?
Randy: Mark, what would you know about impressing a girl?
Mark: I know it doesn't involve office supplies.

Mark: Mind if I put Brad's article up on the refrigerator?
Jill: No, I think that's so sweet that you're so proud of him.
Mark: Actually, I'm doing it to annoy Randy. See, the more they fight, the less they rag on me.
Brad: You guys know where Randy is? I need to talk to him.
Jill: Talking is good. That's a good idea.
Brad: Hey idiot. Why didn't you tell me Samantha called?
Randy: Oh, well I'd figured she'd call you back seeing as how you're popular and tall.
Mark: It doesn't get any better than this.
Brad & Randy: Shut up!

Mark: So how's Puerto Rico?
Randy: Costa Rica.
Mark: Then, I guess you didn't get my letters.

Tim: I think he can do it. He's been interning down at Tool Time. He's been doing a great job.
Mark: Thank you, Dad. I promise, I won't disappoint you.
Tim: Don't disappoint me. But there's ground rules. Three of them. Big ones. My show, my show, my show.
Mark: I gotta go.
Tim: All right. And remember, I want the video up to Tool Time high standards, okay?
Mark: Gotcha. I'll blow something up.