‘Luck Be a Taylor Tonight’
Season 1, Episode 22 - Aired April 7, 1992
Tim's poker night with the guys doesn't go to plan when Jill's sister, Robin (Amy Ryan), gets into an argument with her new husband Charlie (Tom Verica).
Quote from Tim
Robin: How can you think about poker when my marriage is falling apart?
Tim: Well, I figure if it's falling apart, I better win something from Charlie before the alimony starts.
Robin: Tim, you are an insensitive cretin.
Tim: You're right... dip?
Quote from Tim
Jill: Charlie, what happened?
Charlie: I was driving over here, Jill. And she started nagging on me, "Let me drive. Let me drive." So I pull over. I get out of the car so she can scoot over, and she took off on me.
Tim: [whistles] Buddy, a little advice. When you're arguing in the car, don't get out.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Oh, God, it's started. They'll be at this for hours. You gotta get your sister out of the house so we can play.
Jill: Tim, she's is my sister. I gotta help her.
Tim: Well, take her to that craft fair. Knit a rug. Blow some glass. I don't care, but get her out of the house.
Quote from Jill
Charlie: I can't believe she threw my keys into the bushes.
Brad: Yeah, that must have been 30 feet.
Jill: She's always had a real good arm.
Quote from Tim
Tim: You know, Charlie, she's gonna keep interrupting the game if you don't apologize.
Fred: Hey, never apologize. It's admitting you're wrong. I have never once apologized to any woman.
Tim: Freddie, how many times you been married?
Fred: Three.
Tim: Why do you suppose that is?
Fred: I can't find a woman who understands me.
Quote from Al
Al: I fold.
Tim: Really? You folded every hand tonight, Al.
Al: I prefer to be cautious.
Tim: There's a reason they call it gambling, Al.
Quote from Tim
Al: Maybe Jill would like to join us.
Tim: No, she wouldn't.
Jill: Oh, thanks, Al. I love poker.
Tim: Hey, you can't sit down at this table unless you can bench press 150 pounds. [Al goes to stand up] Al, sit down.
Jill: Come on, Tim, I can play poker. What are you doing here? You want Chicago, high-low, anaconda, what?
Al: What's anaconda?
Tim: It's a snake, Al. Now, shut up for a minute. You can't play at this table unless you know the compression ratio of a 327 Chevy engine.
Fred: Boy, you are really tough on your wife.
Tim: Oh, talk about it, Mr. Three-Alimony-Payment Man. I'm very good to my wife.
Quote from Tim
Tim: OK, great. OK, great. Let's just lift up the felt, put down some doilies, get the sewing machine out. This is supposed to be men playing poker tonight.
Fred: You can't play poker with three people.
Al: How about canasta?
Jill: Well, now you're talking.
Tim: Aah!
Quote from Tim
Tim: Wilson, can I ask you a question?
Wilson: I believe you just did, Tim.
Wilson: Heard a lot of noise coming from your house tonight.
Tim: Yeah, that's Jill's sister and her husband. Newlyweds. They're always fighting.
Wilson: Mm-hmm. Well, I seem to remember a couple of newlyweds that moved in next door to me that I thought would never stop fighting.
Tim: Jill and I. Huh. Boy, is that odd. We've been married 12 years and I still get so mad at her. Angry. Just 'cause she's a woman.
Quote from Jill
Tim: I just wanted one night of playing poker with the guys.
Jill: With the guys?
Tim: That was it.
Jill: Well, I think that I can give that to you. [puts a cigar in her mouth] Just call me Murray. [spits] So, how about those Pistons? Think they'll win the series?
Tim: You're pathetic.
Jill: What's the game?
Tim: Depends what we're playing.
Jill: High card?
Tim: What are the stakes?
Jill: Winner has to kiss the loser.
Tim: Murray! I had no idea.