‘Losing My Religion’
Season 7, Episode 8 - Aired November 18, 1997
When Randy volunteers at a hospice, he starts to question his faith in organized religion.
Quote from Tim
Randy: Dad, I just believe people can experience God in different ways.
Jill: Does this have anything to do with the hospice?
Randy: Yeah. Being there reminded me how important it is to question things. The answers I've been coming up with don't have anything to do with organized religion.
Jill: I think it's great that you're examining your life on a deeper level. Are you sure that you want to abandon everything you've believed in?
Tim: Especially a religion.
Randy: Dad, I'm not abandoning God. It's just, sitting in that church goes against my convictions and beliefs.
Tim: Convictions and beliefs? What do they have to do with religion?
Quote from Jill
Tim: What makes Randy think he can get away with not going to church?
Jill: I don't think he's trying to get away with anything. Randy's wrestling with major philosophical issues. We can't force him to share our beliefs. We're gonna have to be open-minded and allow him to find his own.
Tim: What if he starts believing something we don't like? What if he joins a cult that worships chicken parts?
Jill: He'll never go hungry.
Tim: I don't think this is real funny, Jill.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Can I talk to you for a minute?
Mike Webber: Sure. Want me to bless the flathead?
Tim: Not today. I'm having a little trouble with my 15-year-old son.
Mike Webber: Is it serious?
Tim: I think so. He's having a little problem with your boss.
Mike Webber: The bishop?
Tim: The boss?
Mike Webber: Springsteen?
Tim: His boss.
Mike Webber: Oh, oh.
Quote from Tim
Tim: He doesn't want to go to church anymore, and I don't know how to make him.
Mike Webber: Make him go? I've got a teenage son. Can't make a 15-year-old do anything.
Tim: Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of. But if I don't try, then the kid may...
Mike Webber: Wind up on the wrong path?
Tim: Well, it's like he's been cruising along 275 in a great line, then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he gets off an exit and there he is, on Telegraph.
Mike Webber: Yeah. Potholes, permanent construction.
Tim: I used to race on Telegraph.
Mike Webber: Oh, man, there were some sporting races. I remember one night, some kid took this beautiful Chevelle Super Sport, a '67. And he just corkscrewed off a turn and the idiot wrecked it.
Tim: I was there. I was there, yeah.
Mike Webber: I mean, that was a cherry car. The guy must have built it but he couldn't handle it.
Tim: No, no, no, he could handle it. Look. It wasn't a '69. It was a '68, it was a Nova, and the kid did all... Let's talk about Randy, okay?
Quote from Tim
Al: Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a warm Tool Time welcome for the minister of the St. Stephens Episcopal Church. Heidi, my minister please, Father Mike Weber. [an organ version of the Tool Time theme plays]
Tim: Father, it's really good to have you on this show. I wonder how you feel being the first holy man to ever be on Tool Time.
Mike Webber: Well, I'm not basking in the glory. I just hope I get out alive. [Al chuckles]
Tim: Well, you don't have much to worry about, since you have an in with the big guy. And I'm not talking about Al.
Quote from Tim
Al: Well, Father, I was trying to explain to Tim exactly what a piscina is. Would you care to elaborate?
Mike Webber: It's a sink.
Tim: [mocking] Na-na-na-na-na.
Mike Webber: The difference is, it's a sink that's been blessed.
Tim: So, you need to find a blessed plumber. That's hard. "Oh, Father, forgive me. I've overcharged. Your trap wasn't stuck at all."
Mike Webber: You don't need a plumber, actually, Tim. You see, it's a very simple concept. It's a basin, with a pipe that goes directly into the ground so that the sacred fluids go right back into the earth. The piscina is a thousand year old tradition in the church and it's symbolic of many wondrous miracles.
Al: Thank you, Father. [mocking] Na-na-na-na-na.
Mike Webber: The most wonderful miracle is, it's so simple to install, even you can't destroy it. [Al snorts]
Quote from Tim
Tim: Well, we'll finish our installation here.
Mike Webber: We really appreciate this at St. Stephen's. Al, thank you so much.
Al: Our pleasure.
Mike Webber: We're very excited about receiving it on Sunday.
[Tim drops the piscina through the hole in the cabinet]
Tim: Is there a special prayer you have when a sacred object is destroyed?
Mike Webber: Yes, there is. You break it, you buy it.
Quote from Tim
Willow: Breathe in and out. And in and out. Beautiful. [Mark and Brad flop to the ground] Now, every yoga session ends with a very special sensation.
Mark: Pain?
Willow: Inner peace. This exercise is Uncle Wilson's favorite. It's called Shava-asana. You lie down in the position of a corpse.
Tim: [enters] You guys had some of Mom's meatloaf, huh?
Jill: I heard that.
Quote from Tim
Willow: Hey, Tim.
Tim: Hello, Willow.
Willow: You ever try yoga?
Tim: Nope. No matter what they do to it, it still doesn't taste like ice cream.
Quote from Brad
Willow: Well, I hope you guys enjoyed your first session.
Brad: Yeah, I loved it. It's the first time I've ever seen the back of my neck.
Jill: Now that you've seen it, wash it.