[Gregory's film:]
Gregory: To say that I'm the black sheep of my family would be an understatement. I'm hoping to move up to black sheep. My mother's a Rhodes scholar, my father's a Doctor of Psychology. My biggest accomplishment is that I flossed this morning.
Dr. Hanover: Gregory, stop that taping and get over here and eat your chicken!
Gregory: Yes, Father.
Dr. Hanover: Checkmate again, son. There's nothing I enjoy more than playing chess with my father. Except for maybe a cerebral hemorrhage?

Mark: [on tape] Meet my family. On the surface, we seem normal But things are not always what they seem.
[On tape: Brad scratches his back with a fork and then puts it back in the cutlery draw]
Jill: Brad, that's disgusting!
Brad: Wait till you see what I did with the spoon.
[As the camera pans behind the video monitor, a women in the audience gags]

Jill: [on the phone] Hello, Gregory? Hi, this is Mrs. Taylor, Mark's mom. Great film.
Gregory: Are you kidding? I was so traumatized by the public viewing that I just spent two hours on the phone with an Army recruiter.
Jill: Interesting. Gregory, is your father there? I need to talk to him.
Gregory: He's upstairs asleep. I think my film sent him into a catatonic state. And I don't mean Arizona.
Jill: Look, Gregory, did you and your father stay and watch Mark's film?
Gregory: Uh-huh.
Jill: Oh, no. I feel so terrible. I really wanted to apologize to him.
Gregory: Oh, for calling him a pompous jackass? Yeah. He was paged a couple of times so I'm not sure if he saw that part. But I enjoyed it.

Jill: I'm sorry I'm late.
Dr. Miller: It's okay. Dr. Hanover isn't here yet anyway.
Jill: Well, he's a very busy man. Maybe we should just whip through my thesis without him. [chuckles] What are you writing?
Dr. Miller: Never mind. Here's Dr. Hanover now.
[Dr. Hanover walks into the conference room with a cleanly shaved head]
Dr. Hanover: Hello, Jill.

Dr. Hanover: Now, do you think you've thoroughly addressed how the relationship has changed between mothers and sons?
Jill: Well, the thesis is called "The Father-Son Dynamic in the Post-Feminist Era."
Dr. Hanover: I know what the thesis is called. I came up with the title.
Dr. Miller: Wonderful title.
Dr. Hanover: [chuckles] Yeah. Now, is it possible that you've treated the mother-son relationship - in a rather superficial way?
Jill: Superficial? No. I think that I fully addressed that in pages 38 to 47.
Dr. Hanover: Well, I thought it was more fully addressed in the first draft. You shaved off a little bit too much.

Dr. Hanover: Jill, you've made some pretty provocative statements. The question is, can you defend them?
Jill: Well, I don't know. I...
Dr. Hanover: Well, if you don't know, how are we supposed to know?
Jill: How did you like the typeface?
Dr. Hanover: Helvetica 12 point? Excellent choice.
Dr. Miller: I liked it.

Tim: How was Dr. Hanover?
Jill: Obviously, he saw Mark's film. He raked my thesis over the coals. Now I have to do a whole rewrite by Friday.
Tim: Honey, the man is a professional. I can't believe he'd let a few personal remarks get in the way of his job.
Jill: Well, if he wasn't attacking me because of the insults, he was attacking me because he hated my work.
Tim: There you go now. Feel better?

Jill: Yeah, I understand now why you were so tough on my work.
Dr. Hanover: Jill, I wasn't tough on you because of the personal remarks you made.
Jill: So, you really didn't like my thesis.
Dr. Hanover: No, no. I thought it was quite good. But during your oral exam, it's my job to challenge you, and your job to defend your work.
Jill: And I didn't exactly rise to that challenge, did I?
Dr. Hanover: Well, I suspect your defense would have been better if you weren't so flustered by the situation.
Jill: Definitely. When you came in here with your head shaved, I was completely...
Dr. Hanover: Wigged out? [chuckles]
Jill: Good one!