Tim: I thought you guys were staying at the park.
Randy: Jennifer left, so Brad didn't want to stay.
Tim: I guess the car air freshener wasn't a big hit, huh?
Brad: She said I smelled like her dog after he had a shampoo. [Randy barks]

Tim: Brad, come here. Come here. Tell me what happened.
Brad: I think she likes me.
Tim: How do you know?
Brad: She hit me in the arm, twice.
Tim: Hard?
Brad: Yeah!
Tim: You're in, dude.
Brad: Dude.

Jill: Tim, I just don't know anything about giving a speech. I don't even know what to do with my hands.
Tim: Well, put them in your pockets.
Jill: Well, what if I wear this dress? It doesn't have any pockets.
Tim: Hey, nice-lookin'. Well, put them down at your sides. But don't itch at yourself like that. Don't scratch.
Jill: How's this?
Tim: You look like a totem pole. Loosen up. Come on. Loosen up. Do this. Do it.
Jill: I don't think this is gonna help, Tim.
Tim: You're right, but it's fun watching you do that.

Jill: You know, I am the only speaker, and by standing up there, it's like I'm saying that I'm the most important person in the room.
Tim: Well, you are.
Jill: Well, I don't feel like it. I mean, it's not like I'm the president of anything. I... I don't run a corporation. I'm not a celebrity. I'm just your wife. And Brad, Randy and Mark's mother.
Tim: You're the chairperson of the most successful money laundering...
Jill: fundraising!
Tim: ...fundraising drives in library history. You're CEO of this family. You're my Career manager, and you're a life manager.
Jill: Life manager?
Tim: You manage to live your life with me.
Jill: I should get an award for that.
Tim: You should get an award for the money that you collected.

Mark: Here, Mommy. I made you a milkshake.
Jill: Oh, thank you, honey! Oh, it looks like... What did you put in that?
Mark: Peanut butter and jelly.
Tim: Go ahead.
Jill: [drinks] Mmm! Mmm! Terrific. And thick.

Jill: Well, it's easy in front of you and Mark, I know you guys.
Tim: Well, pretend like we're the library association.
Jill: No, most of them are women.
Tim: OK, we'll be women. Mark, come over here for a minute.
Jill: What?
Tim: Here, these go with your hair. Oh, and these are me. Look at that.
Jill: Tim, what are you doing?
Tim: We are supporting our woman by being women. [Jill laughs] Mark, you don't do this outside the house, okay?

Jill: Tim, please. You really don't have to do this.
Tim: [high-pitched voice] There's no Tim here any more. My name is... [puts in ear ring] Ouch! [Jill laughs] My name is Linda. And this is my good friend, Rose.
Mark: Hi, Mommy.
Jill: Well, hello, Rose. Hello, Ouch.
Tim: Hello. Well, please get on with your speech. We're all aflutter. [Tim and Mark cross their legs]

Tim: [high-pitched voice] Bravo, bravo. Give her the wave. Isn't she the most spectacular speaker you've ever seen?
Jill: It is OK, isn't it?
Tim: It's marvelous, hon. It's marvelous.
Jill: No, I'm serious. I mean, it actually makes sense.

Tim: t's terrific. It is.
Jill: Are you just saying that?
Tim: No, it's good.
Jill: So it was good, but not terrific?
Tim: Huh? No... that's the same, isn't it?
Jill: No, no, no, no. "Good" means that it's OK. "Terrific" means that I'd be a fool not to give this speech.
Tim: You would be a fool not to give this speech.

Tim: [high-pitched voice] Rather unprofessional to kiss us like that, wasn't it? Do you suppose that's her real hair color? I don't think so. Look at the roots. Ever got some phlegm caught in your throat and you can't get it out? You just don't see old women going like this, do you? [spits]