Brad: Mom, since you're going out, why don't you wear some of our Treasure Island perfume?
Randy: Yeah.
Jill: Well, I was saving that for a special occasion.
Randy: Well, there's plenty of it here. You can wear it all the time.
Jill: Yeah... I could do that, couldn't I?
Brad: Well... go ahead.
Jill: Okay, I will. [sniffs] Whoa! That is so unique. [dips her finger in the bottle] Ohh! It tingles. And burns. Well, you know, that is always a sign of a really good perfume.
Randy: Well, I'm glad you like it. We almost didn't buy it.
Brad: Yeah. We were gonna buy you flowers.
Jill: Oh. Well... I guess I really lucked out, cause flowers die. And this I'm gonna have forever.

Tim: Now, I want you to go upstairs and tell your mom to come down here right away.
Mark: [shouts] Mom, Dad wants you!
Tim: I could have done that!

Tim: I finished your birthday gift.
Jill: You gave me... tools.
Tim: No, open it up.
Jill: All right. ["Happy Birthday" plays]
Tim: This is the gift.
Jill: What...?
Tim: Honey, too often in our lives we look at birthdays as just a signpost of the years we lived, instead of relishing the wonder of the journey to get the sand.

Randy: Hey, Dad, maybe we should get Mom a heater for her birthday.
Tim: Birthday!
Brad: Dad forgot Mom's birthday.
Tim: Did not.
Randy: Did too.
Tim: Did not.

Eugene: Well, actually, it's for my wife. See, she wants a little more space in the living room.
Tim: Did she tell you that, or did you have to guess?
Eugene: Oh, no. She tells me what she wants.
Tim: Does she?
Eugene: We call her Pink. Pink and Ink, see? I've got a picture of Pink standing right in front of the house.
Tim: Let's take a look at that house.
Eugene: Actually, it's a little hard to see the house. She's a... a lotta woman.
Tim: Yeah, a whole lotta woman.
Well, we'll see you there Friday, Ink. It'll be good to get started on your house...
Eugene: Hey, Al! Here's something you don't see every day. This is Pink last summer on the old Slip 'N Slide. Boy, she went like a rocket. Now, no one was hurt in this. Those kids lying there were just, uh, stunned.

Mark: How much is it?
Randy: How much you got?
Mark: $4.77.
Randy: Sorry, it's $5.00.
Brad: Come on, Randy. He's our little brother. Give him a break.
Randy: OK.
Brad: We'll help you empty this thing out.
Randy: Yeah.
Mark: Thanks, guys.

Tim: What'd you two brainiacs get her that was so wonderful?
Randy: Well, Brad and I got her this really neat perfume.
Tim: You sure you got enough of it? Oh, Treasure Island perfume. This came in a gift set, didn't it? Little parrot and a peg leg for her? Arr, matey, arr! Look like a pirate, and I smell like one, too.

Tim: I tuned in to her, too. I got her a neat gift, too.
Randy: What?
Tim: Well, you know how she's been exercising, right? Well, I got her a lifetime membership at that Galaxy Health Spa. Can't wait to see the look on her face when she opens that. Ssh. Here she comes. Sit down. Morning.
Jill: Morning.
Kids: Happy birthday!
Tim: What's the matter?
Jill: I am never ever going to exercise again. I was actually thinking of joining a health club. That'll be a cold day in... Detroit.

Tim: Mark and I were talking out in the garage. Do you guys know anything about a little-brother tax?
Brad & Randy: No.
Tim: Maybe I should tell you about the large-angry-father tax.
Randy: All right, all right. We'll pay Mark back.
Tim: You're darn right you'll pay him back. Next two weeks, your allowance goes right to Mark.