Tim: Ah, tea! Nice cup of tea. I'm a big tea guy myself.
Chris: You like Earl Grey?
Tim: Don't know the guy, Chris.
Carol: Jill, you didn't tell us you had such a witty husband.
Jill: I didn't know.

Al: She's going to a book discussion group with a friend. I'm sure it's purely platonic.
Tim: Haven't you guys ever heard of a platonic relationship?
Harry: Yeah. I got one with my wife.

Tim: Boy, it's a little late, must've been a real long book, huh?
Jill: No, the book club ended at ten, but Chris and I have been just sitting out front in his car talking.
Tim: Sitting out in front of this house in his car talking?
Jill: Is there something wrong with that?
Tim: You're a married woman. You shouldn't be hanging out with single guys. Especially in a romantic spot like a car!
Jill: Tim, we were just sitting out in the Camaro talking. It's no big deal.
Tim: I don't care... Camaro? What year?

Tim: Well, this was a lot of fun. Thanks for coming. What are we going to read next week?
Sharon: The Fountainhead.
Tim: Plumbing! I'm in!

Al: Welcome to "Gadget Corner."
Tim: We're going to show you products to make you go, "Wow," and your wife go, "How are we gonna pay for this stuff?!"
Al: Actually, Tim, today's products are something any woman would love to have in her home. And to demonstrate that for us is Tool Time's very own gadget expert, June Palmer.
Tim: Always nice to have you here, June.
June: Really? How come I haven't been on the show for four years?
Tim: Budget problems. But we got it worked out. Al's gonna take a cut in pay.
Al: My pay couldn't get any lower.
Al: So, June, what have you got for us today?
June: Well, first up we have a "Suck-A-Bug."
Tim: Four years and the best you can come up with is "Suck-A-Bug"?
June: It's an easy way to get rid of those annoying pests. [points it at Tim] Oh, I see you have a bug over here. You just turn it on... And bye-bye, buggie!
Tim: Hey! That's pretty cool, actually. Rechargable, one-piece styrene. I like that, Al. Look at that! No more pests. And this little device down here? What's that supposed to do? [shoots the squished bug onto Al's forehead]

Jill: [o.s.] That must be Chris! I'll get it!
Al: Who's Chris?
Tim: Some woman in Jill's psych class who's driving her to the book discussion group.
Benny: Hey, I like brainy chicks. You think she'd date me?
Jill: Guys, this is Chris.
Benny: On second thought, I don't need a date that bad.

Al: I've had many relationships with women who were just friends.
Benny: Yeah, but not by your choice.

Marty: Isn't it something the most gorgeous women always end up with the ugliest guy.
Harry: Yeah, look at you, Marty. Your wife's a knockout.
Marty: What you saying, I'm ugly? Tim, you think I'm ugly?
Tim: I don't know, Marty. You got some nice features. But overall, you're a pretty forgettable guy, really.

Harry: You know, if a woman like Nancy could go for a dog like Marty...
Marty: Now I'm a dog?
Harry: Well then you know Jill could go for a guy like Chris.
Tim: You guys are probably right. She's having an affair with the guy, and then just to top it off she brings the guy back here to meet me and my friends.
Benny: She's real shrewd. I'll give her that.

Marty: Tim? Why do you keep lookin' at your watch?
Tim: No reason.
Marty: How long ago was Jill due home?
Tim: 64 minutes.
Marty: Look, I'm sorry, we were just giving you a hard time. Don't worry about that guy.
Tim: I'm not worried about that guy, Marty.
Marty: OK. I want you to know whatever happens I'm here for you.
Tim: Thanks, Marty.
Marty: Well, I gotta go now.
Tim: And why's that, Marty?
Marty: Because if I'm more than 15 minutes late, Nancy thinks I'm havin' an affair.
Tim: Good night, Marty.