Al: Hey, guys. Guess what? I have just been asked to star in my very own video!
Harry: [chuckling] The Al Borland Workout? Abs of Flab.
Tim: That's something you want to see, Al in a thong. "All right, girls, two, three... Watch those carbs. Come on. Late night snacks, that's a no-no."

Harry: Hey, can I be in your video?
Tim: We never put you on Tool Time. Why would Al put you in a video?
Harry: Well, I got a lot of experience in dinner theater.
Tim: You were an actor?
Harry: No, a waiter.

Al: Tim, I-I-I... We're starting to get way behind schedule. We have to be out by 4:00.
Tim: Harry will let us shoot past 4:00, right?
Harry: Yeah, sure, if you got a part for me. You know, I do a great Brando. [imitating Marlon Brando] Stella!
Tim: We can be out by 4:00.

Harry: Hey, Delores. You want to get Tim another beer, please?
Delores: I just got off work. I'm starving to death. And my feet are swelled up like a couple of bloated toads.
Harry: Is that a "yes" or a "no?"
Tim: Hey, I'll get it.
Harry: Absolutely not. You're a guest in this house. You shouldn't have to get your own beer.
[Harry stands up, fluffs his pillow and then sits back down]
Tim: But I'm so comfortable as a gosh-darn guest here, I prefer to get my own beer.
Harry: Get me one, too?

Dennis: Actually, I came in to hook the power supply up for the video phone.
Tim: Video phone?
Delores: Yeah. Dennis has one at his place. He also put one in at the hardware store.
Harry: Yeah. Delores loves it. I call it "Must-Nag TV."

Barbra Canfield: My first question is how did your husbands react when you told them you were going to re-enter the work force? Diane?
Diane: It's amazing. I get a job with one of the top pediatric groups in Detroit and all my husband could say was, "Who's gonna cook for me?"
Harry: [watching on TV] What's wrong with that?

Marty: That went well.
Harry: Man, Delores rags on me, but it's in the privacy of a bowling alley.

Benny: Good morning, Mr. Taylor. How are you enjoying sleeping in Harry's back room?
Marty: No windows, no air, no heat...
Harry: No charge.
Marty: No complaints.
Harry: You know, that's where I sleep when I tell Delores I'm visiting my sister.
Benny: I didn't know you had a sister.
Harry: I don't.

Marty: I won't be staying long. I just need a little time to put some things together, then, I'm back on my feet. Oh, man. It's my brother. Hey, remember, not a word to him about me staying back there. [Marty & Harry look at Benny]
Benny: Why do you guys always act like I'm a moron?
Harry: I'll explain later when I have time to talk really slow.

Benny: Oh, by the way, Harry, when do you want me for Thanksgiving?
Harry: I don't want you at all, but if you have to be there, be there at 2:00.
Benny: Great. I'll bum a ride with Marty.
Tim: Marty? Marty's taking his family to your house for Thanksgiving?
Harry: No, just Marty. Delores frightens the children.