‘Groin Pains’
Season 2, Episode 4 - Aired October 7, 1992
Tim doesn't want Jill to find out that he injured himself carrying a heavy trunk to impress her.
Quote from Tim
Tim: What are you doing with the trunk?
Jill: Putting books in it.
Tim: This thing's gonna weigh a ton! You know, I've got two boxes in the garage for this.
Jill: Well, that's silly. We'll just use this and you don't have to make two trips.
Tim: Right. I'll be making two trips anyway. One to the garage and one to the hospital.
Jill: Oh, honey, you can do this. You used to bench-press your body weight in college. You're heavier now, you should be able to lift more.
Tim: If that were true, you should be able to lift the whole...
Jill: The whole what?
Tim: The whole-wheat bread over there.
Quote from Jill
Jill: My baby got the lead! Oh, he's gonna play Peter Pan.
Tim: Good going, buddy!
Jill: I knew it! I knew that he had that spark, you know, that thing that says: - "I am an artist. I live for the theater."
Tim: Down, Jill. Down.
Jill: I told you this, you know, when he was in that Christmas pageant all the other kids stood up on the stage. Randy... stood up... on the stage.
Tim: Well, he probably gets it from you, hon. 'Cause you don't just burn meatloaf, you bu-u-urn meatloaf.
Jill: I'm just glad I finally have a kid who appreciates culture.
Randy: Yeah, and the best part is I get to miss social studies for a month!
Quote from Jill
Jill: Come on, I'll help you get this over out to the garage. Whoa. This is a lot heavier than I thought it was.
Tim: Maybe Derek could help you with those sinewy biceps.
Jill: He probably could. He's only 21.
Tim: Step aside, little lady.
Jill: Oh, come on, Tim. I was just teasing you.
Tim: A minute ago you were asking me to carry it.
Jill: No, no, no. That was before I knew how heavy it was.
Tim: You don't think I can carry this?
Jill: Maybe, if there weren't any books in it.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Oh, come on, Tim! You're gonna hurt yourself.
Tim: Oh. Watch my biceps ripple one by one. [grunts] "Trunk of Desire." It's all in the legs, babe.
Quote from Jill
Jill: You wanna help me with the groceries?
Tim: Jill, I wanna tell you something. Yesterday, when I lifted that trunk...
Jill: Oh, well, that is so weird that you mention that. 'Cause I have been thinking about it all day.
Tim: What?
Jill: Well, I know that I told you not to do it.
Tim: Yeah, you were right.
Jill: And I know that I'm supposed to be way past this, it's kind of embarrassing, in fact, but I gotta tell you...
Tim: I know, I know what you're gonna say.
Jill: ...it really turned me on.
Quote from Tim
Jill: When you heaved that trunk up onto those powerful arms and I saw all those muscles rippling, I thought, "Whoa. That is no boy. That's my man."
Tim: Where are we going?
Jill: We're going upstairs.
Tim: Upstairs? [they kiss] OK. We'll go upstairs.
Jill: Tim.
Tim: What is it?
Jill: Carry me.
Tim: Huh? [Jill runs into Tim's arms] Oh!
Quote from Jill
Jill: Oh, honey, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.
Tim: Honey, this isn't your fault.
Jill: No, it's not my fault. I jumped into your arms.
Tim: OK, it was your fault.
Jill: What do you want me to do for you? Shall I get you some ice?
Tim: Ice would be good. I'm no doctor, but I think I pulled my groin muscle.
Jill: Oh, no.
Quote from Tim
Randy: Dad, why didn't you tell me it's a girl's part? I can't do this.
Tim: No, no. We're Taylors, we're not quitters. And besides, just 'cause a woman does it, it doesn't mean a man can't do it. It's time for you to reclaim Peter Pan. Make him your kinda guy. You know, a guy that ice-skates and goes on a skateboard, a man's man, a guy with a hairy chest. [grunts]
Quote from Tim
Tim: I'm just trying to explain the groin thing.
Jill: You don't have to explain. I'm sorry I put the ice down your pants.
Tim: Don't be sorry about that. It melted. It felt great.
Jill: Just get down. Come on. You can come inside.
Tim: I was just trying to impress you. And you know what I thought? I don't need a different Chinese woman every night.
Jill: What?
Tim: I just need you for the rest of my life.
Quote from Brad
Jill: Ah, I love that play so much.
Mark: I wanna be Peter Pan when I grow up.
Jill: When you told the audience to save Tinker Bell, I clapped so hard.
Tim: Hey, Randy, what did I tell you? Did you see all those people looking up at you?
Randy: I saw Jennifer looking at me.
Brad: She wanted to know where you bought your tights.