Tim: Al, what's going on? Jill told me you put your life savings into this board game?
Al: Yes, I did! I told you about that when I came over.
Tim: You came over?
Al: Yeah. You were putting in the drive shaft.
Tim: I remember the drive shaft, but I don't remember you.

Tim: Al, aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? You haven't sold one game yet.
Al: Ah, that's what they said to Milton Bradley. That's what they said to the Parker Brothers.
Tim: And don't forget the Parcheesi sisters.

Ilene: Jill, maybe you're right. Maybe it is time for me to break it off with Al.
Jill: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! Completely the wrong time.
Ilene: But you just said...?
Jill: Forget what I said. I say a lot of things. I don't mean any of 'em.
Ilene: So you don't mean what you're saying right now?
Jill: No. This is the only thing I've ever meant.
Ilene: Did Tim tell you something?
Jill: No. I know nothing. Nothing! And even if I did know something, I wouldn't be allowed to tell you.
Ilene: But I could guess? And you could nod? Is what you don't know a good thing? [Jill nods] Is this a very, very good thing? [Jill smiles and nods] Is this a call-your-parents, pick-out-a-china-pattern thing? [Jill nods excitedly] Oh, my God! No way! [screams] I am so happy!
Jill: I know. I know. [Ilene giggles as she runs out of the house]

Tim: You know, he is gonna sell a lot of these. You play it once, and you gotta buy another one.
Jill: What happened?
Mark: It caught on fire.
Tim & Jill: We know that.

Al: Oh, no. Oh, my God! This is... this is a disaster! People could get hurt! I could lose my entire life savings!
Tim: Well, actually that would be, um...
Al: Double my life savings!

Tim: Where are you going?
Al: I'm going up to my cabin one last time before I have to sell it.
Tim: So, you're just gonna run away?
Al: What's the point? I'm bankrupt. I have no future, and I have no right to ask Ilene to marry me. What am I supposed to do?
Dave: Here. Have a fortune cookie. They always cheer people up.
Al: "You've gone as far as you can go in life."
Tim & Dave: Try another one.
Al: "Your best days are behind you."

Al: It's just I thought when I... When I reached this age, I'd be successful!
Tim: You are successful.
Al: No, I'm not. I'm a 37-year-old bachelor who's a career second banana. I don't have any creativity. I have very little pizzazz.
Tim: You have absolutely no pizzazz. But you can be creative.
Al: Name one creative thing I ever did on Tool Time.
Tim: Umm... well, "Gadget Corner."
Al: That was your idea.
Tim: No. I just took credit for it. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What about that Tool Time game you designed?
Al: That was mine. You liked that?
Tim: No. I thought it was stupid. But everybody else liked it.

Jill: Tim, did you tell Al that he was creative?
Tim: Yeah. I had to. Otherwise I'd still be at Tool Time listening to him whining. "I'm such a loser. I have no life left. Even my beard doesn't fit my face anymore."
Jill: Well, according to Ilene, what you said made Al decide to market his Tool Time game. He's invested his entire life savings.
Tim: He did? That's crazy.
Jill: He ordered 500 games and he made a commercial. You gotta go over there right away and talk some sense into him.
Tim: I can't. I'm hanging the exhaust system this morning.
Jill: Look, Tim, Al could be on the brink of financial disaster. You gotta do something.
Tim: I'll give him a call or something.
Jill: No, calling's not good enough. Go over there.
Tim: All right. I'll go over there. When I get back, he'll be just as depressed and boring as usual.

Al: Look, look! My commercial's on!
Al: [on TV] Look for me and my friends on the cover of the box. So act now because these games will go like hot cakes. We'll ship your order out within three business days or double your money back. You have Al Borland's personal guarantee. So, now you can do more than just watch us on TV. You can play with us at home! Call now. Operators are standing by. [answers phone]
Al: So? What did you think of my commercial?
Tim: It looks like it cost six cents.
Al: [phone rings] Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm. This is the operator. I'm standing by.

Ilene: [scrubbing] Al keeps saying he can't marry me until he's financially secure. Then he invests every penny he has in that stupid game. What does that say to you?
Jill: It says I'm gonna have the cleanest pots and pans on the block.
Jill: Ilene, it's not uncommon for people to set up barriers to avoid commitment.
Ilene: But what am I supposed to do? Wait around forever? I'm about to turn the big three-four.