Wilson: Oh, my, my, my, I know it must be spring when I hear the sweet sounds of a wire bristle on a rusty grill.
Tim: That's it, Wilson. What have you got there?
Wilson: Tim, I'm about to add some bacterial organisms to my milk.
Tim: Really? I'm more of a chocolate syrup kind of guy.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, Tim. I'm making yogurt. The bacteria sours the milk.
Tim: You must have put some of that in my boss' milk. He's sour all the time.

Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Audience: Tool Time!
Heidi: That's right. Here he is celebrating his fifth fabulous year - Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!

[Tool Time flashback:]
Tim: Um... My wife suggested I cut the beard for the look, but I think it fits...
Al: Oh, no, no. I like a man in a beard.
Tim: Whoa, big fella. Speaking of big fella, who's that big guy you were talking with backstage?
Al: That was my mother.

Tim: Well, um, our guests. Michael Andretti, of course, you've come back from Formula One to race Indy cars again. Very excited. With the Chip Ganassi team, right? Very exciting. And Johnny Rutherford - three-time Indy winner, right? This is just too great. Um, your dad didn't show up - Mario. Where's he?
Michael Andretti: Yeah, Dad couldn't come. He's racing his racecar, but I brought somebody just as old.
Johnny Rutherford: I believe I beat you here from the airport, kid.
Michael Andretti: That's 'cause I used Tim's directions.
Tim: Guys, guys. We're not on a dirt track here, fellas. Come on, let's enjoy ourselves. Who talked you into doing this?
Michael Andretti: Well, your wife can be a pretty persuasive woman.
Johnny Rutherford: Yeah. She even talked us into a "no dinner" dinner.
Michael Andretti: Hope there's chicken. [Jill shakes her head]

Tim: Well, I gotta thank Michael Andretti and Johnny Rutherford for being on the show. How about a round of applause for the boys here? Yeah. Along with our guests, Al and I wanna thank the people really responsible for Tool Time. I wanna get everybody out here that's done the show. All the grips, the prop people, costumes, lights, everybody. Come on, everybody out here. Everybody! Everybody here on Tool Time. Wait a minute. Hey, cameramen, too. You guys gotta get out here. Come on, everybody. Come on. [camera falls] Uh-oh. Bad idea.

Wes Davidson: Well, I'm not joking, Tim. From now on, you don't spend a cent unless I OK it.
Tim: All right. We'll start after the anniversary show.
Wes Davidson: Well, wait a minute. I don't know what you have planned for that?
Al: Well, we're going to Indianapolis.
Tim: Aah...
Wes Davidson: Really? Well, two words come to mind. Uh-uh.

Tim: I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, and you know my assistant - Al "Stand By Your Tool Man" Borland.
Al: It's great to be here on this auspicious occasion. Happy anniversary, Tim.
Tim: You, too, and happy anniversary to the audience out there. If you all look under your seats, there's a personalized gift from "The Tool Man." [they all look] Made you look. Oh, come on, we've had a lot of fun these last five years. A lot of it's to do with my family. They're here today. Let's meet 'em, can we? My lovely, beautiful and very attractive wife Jill. Brad, Mark and Randy - my little boys.