Tim: If you're so mad at Joanie, why did you tell her everything was all right?
Jill: I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that it still bothers me.
Tim: Wait a minute. Come here, sit down. You didn't want to come here, but you came here. You want me to support you, you want me to shut up. You hate her, but you want her to still think you like her.
Jill: Exactly.
Tim: [sighs] I'll tell you what. If this were two guys, it'd be over 20 years ago. We'd have rolled up our sleeves, broke each other's noses, had a couple of beers.

Al: I'm sorry, but you promised me you were gonna keep the door open.
Brad: The wind blew it shut.
Ashley: Yeah.
Al: Oh, yeah, right. All those big gusts coming in from the bathroom? I don't think so.

Mark: I'm not going to the stupid party.
Al: Look, you're doing great. Come on. You know? There's gonna be pizza there and party favors. You know, I remember my first pizza/skating party. I was 32.
Mark: Al! I'm not doing this.
Al: Glide.

Wilson: Problems, temporary Taylor dad?
Al: Oh, hi, Wilson.
Wilson: Hi-ho.
Al: Listen, Wilson. You wouldn't happen to have any extra keys, would you?
Wilson: Yes, indeedy.
Al: Great. Matter of fact, I have a whole Taylor packet. Tim leaves it with me for all the different baby-sitters. All right, here we go. We got some Band-Aids, some gauze, handcuff keys... Here we go. House keys.
Al: Thank you, Wilson. Those boys are... they're a handful.
Wilson: They are a puckish band of rapscallions.

Tim: It doesn't look that bad.
Jill: You might as well have worn your pajamas.
Tim: Stop, stop, stop. You're makin' it worse.
Jill: Why... Why did you wait so long to take it out of the pouch?
Tim: It'll be OK if you just leave it alone, all right? Needs air. It just needs to breathe. It needs to breathe.
Jill: It looks like it needs CPR.

Mrs. Grabowski: Little Julie Patterson?
Jill: Oh, it's Jill.
Mrs. Grabowski: Sí. ¿Cómo está usted?
Jill: Oh, it's so nice to see you.
Mrs. Grabowski: En español, por favor.
Jill: Oh, um... Señora Grabowski. Sí. Yo estoy bueno. Este es mi bozo, Tim.
Mrs. Grabowski: Esposo.
Jill: Oh, yeah. Esposo.
Mrs. Grabowski: Hola, Tim.
Tim: Uh... fajita chimichanga.

Joanie: Tim seems... he seems very nice. Suit in a pouch?
Jill: Exactly.
Joanie: How long have you been married?
Jill: Oh. Um... almost 16 years. [Tim gets electrocuted as he works on the sound system] And the sparks are still there.

Tim: Uh, no cause for alarm, but I think we'll have to exit the building quasi-quickly. Este move-a-butt-a-now-a! Go. Back door.
Mrs. Grabowski: ¡Fuego! ¡Fuego! ¡Vamos! ¡Fuego!

Jill: Tim, the reason I never resolved things with Joanie was because I was just... so hurt by what she did to me. You know, my family moved around so much, Joanie was the first girlfriend I ever had. And she... betrayed me. It took me a long time to trust anybody after that.
Tim: Honey... Betrayed you?
Jill: Tim, she didn't even have the nerve to tell me herself. I had to hear it from Alice the crossing guard.

Brad: Uh, this is my friend Ashley.
Jill: Hi, Ashley.
Ashley: Hi.
Brad: She's gonna study with me.
Ashley: Yeah, we've got, like, a really big history test coming up.
Jill: Oh. Well, here, let me clear this table and you can, like, use it.
Brad: No, it's OK. We decided to study in my room.
Jill: Make sure you, like, leave the door open, OK?