Jill: So, I guess you think this just isn't very important.
Tim: Yes, I think this is very important. Can we talk about this later?
Jill: Well, it's important to express feelings when they happen.
Tim: When you're doing a TV show, it's important to be on camera when you're taping. I gotta go to work.
Jill: I don't even know why I try and talk to you.
Tim: Oh, honey, come on! Don't... [walks after Jill]
Al: Hey, Tim!
[Tim's microphone wire pulls over the column upon which the mosquito jar was placed]
Al: Oh, you knocked over all the mosquitoes! This is a disaster! [buzzing]
Tim: It's not a disaster. I planned that. It looked just like an accident, didn't it?

Jill: What are you saying, Tim? I'm not supposed to have feelings about this?
Tim: Sure. Just don't bring them to the hardware show!
Jill: OK, fine. Fine! You don't want to be with me. The kids don't want to be with me.
Tim: Don't...
Jill: I'll just see Cleveland on my own. Give me the car keys. Where's the car?
Tim: It's in the structure, three floors down. Just follow the smell.
Jill: What... What smell?
Tim: I got some more samples in the back seat. It's full of fertilizer.
Jill: I'll just take a cab.

Brad: Actually, I met some guys at Electrical. We wanted to check out this year's hot tub models.
Tim: I like the Spa Two Thousand.
Brad: I like Brandy and Heather.

Brad: Dad, you're getting as bad as Mom.
Tim: What is that supposed to mean?
Brad: Well, Mom wants me to hang with her this entire weekend. But who wants to hang with their mom on vacation?
Tim: Al. This is a real important weekend for her.
Brad: You're saying if I look at forklifts with you it's gonna make Mom happy?
Tim: I don't care if you don't want to see forklifts with me. I just think you should try to be nicer to Mom.
Brad: All right. I'll be nicer when I get home.

Clerk: [on hotel TV] The hotel offers a free buffet breakfast, workout facilities, sauna, hair salon and a premium vending machine now featuring Cajun hot fries. My idea.

Tim: How are you doing?
Jill: Fine. I raided the mini-bar. I'm now working on my single serving of pistachios, my individual wedge of Gouda, and my three-ounce can of cranapple cooler.
Tim: And all for only $88.

Tim: No. I mean, I know how you're feeling about missing the boys.
Jill: You do?
Tim: I asked Brad to go look at forklifts with me. He didn't want to. So, I know what you're going through here.
Jill: Have some honey-roasted peanuts. Only $18.

Jill: What is this?
Tim: We made you a little gift because we know how upset you were about the boys growing up.
Brad: And we felt bad about deserting you in Cleveland.
Jill: It's a quilt. It's made out of the boys' old clothes. You did this all by yourselves? Yes, you did!
Tim: I got all the old clothes from the attic. We took it to Al's and had, like, a man's quilting bee. He makes a delicious banana bread.