Tim: A golden stallion. Hyah! Hyah! Tight bicycle shorts.
Al: Tim!
Tim: Hyah! Hyah! Hyah... It's just a dream, a very common dream. Women all over the tri-state area look at me as a symbol of virility.
Al: All I can say is, I don't want you showing up in her dreams again, or there's gonna be trouble.
Tim: What, are you gonna fall asleep and dream like you're beating me up?
Al: OK, I know that it's not your fault. It's just that Ilene means so much to me. And, well... I wanted to be the one on that golden stallion riding into the sunset, wearing skimpy bicycle shorts.
Tim: There's a pretty picture.

Jill: Did you tell Al and Ilene to come for dinner at seven?
Tim: Yeah. They almost didn't come. Al's a little upset because apparently Ilene had a dream about me.
Jill: What'd she eat before she went to sleep?
Tim: Get this. She dreamed that I was riding a golden stallion, with a deep sexy voice and tight bicycle shorts.
Jill: Wow! She must have had a big bean burrito.
Tim: Really? You know, a lot of women watch Tool Time. Sooner or later, they are thinking, "I want him." [Jill laughs] Smirk if you will, but you're not the only woman who dreams about me.
Jill: I don't dream about you, Tim. It's bad enough I have to see you when I'm awake.

Tim: All right, be honest with me. When you dream about me, what am I usually wearing?
Jill: I told you. I don't dream about you.
Tim: Well, who do you dream about?
Jill: You know, the usual.
Tim: Like Mario Andretti, Al Unser, that sort of stuff?
Jill: No. That's who you dream about. The guy that I dream about isn't even real.
Tim: If he's not real, it's, like, a cartoon character, like Bullwinkle?
Jill: No, Tim. It's not Bullwinkle.
Tim: Scooby-Doo?
Jill: Yeah, that's right. You really know me! Me and Scooby-Doo. I hold Scooby's hand. We walk along the Scooby-beach. Do a little Scooby-diving.

Ilene: It's great of you to have us over.
Jill: It's nice to have you.
Al: I brought a very lovely tart.
Tim: Al, that's no way to talk about Ilene.
Al: I was talking about...
Ilene: Honey, he was kidding. Tim, you have a delightful sense of humor.
Tim: Thanks. I try.
Al: Well, I have a delightful sense of humor, too. A lot of people find me hilarious.
Ilene: Well, of course you are. It's just that your humor is more... subtle.
Tim: Yeah. Sometimes Al doesn't even get it.

Jill: I'm trying a new recipe. I hope you all like it.
Ilene: Oh, I'm sure it'll be great. I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse.
Tim: [chokes] You're in luck. Jill cooked stallion.
Jill: Tim.
Tim: Did I say "stallion"? I meant "scallion." Big golden scallion.
Al: Tim, would you just...? Could you please...
Tim: I'm talking about scallions.
Al: I know what you're talking about.
Tim: Well, it's not like I said she's cooking bicycle shorts.

Tim: Guys, guys, come on. What's the big deal? It's just a silly dream. Jill dreams about being naked, running around with Tarzan.
Jill: Tim!

Tim: Jill, it's gonna be OK. They're a couple, they had a little tiff. They'll get over it. Every relationship goes through stuff like this. In the long run, Al's gonna thank me for this.
Al: [enters] Well, thank you, Tim.
Jill: There you go.
Al: Ilene broke up with me, she took my car and never wants to see me again.
Tim: Al, she's coming back.
Al: How would you know?
Tim: Well, if she doesn't, it's grand theft auto.

Tim: Al, I only make fun of people and joke around with people I like.
Al: You must like me an awful lot.
Tim: I think of you like one of my brothers.
Al: You do?
Tim: Yeah. I used to joke and gag with them all the time. That's why most of them won't speak to me to this day.
Al: So what you're saying is that when you make fun of my weight and my beard, it's because you like me?
Tim: Yeah.
Al: How about when you tease me about wearing flannel?
Tim: I do that because you look ridiculous.
Al: Well, I never told you this, Tim, but I think of you as a brother, too. [hugs Tim] Ilene.
Tim: Of course you lean. You're lopsided.

Jill: Tim? Tim?
Tim: [Tarzan yell]
Jill: It's 15 degrees out there.
Tim: You Jane, me frozen.

Tim: Practicing for the ballet, Wilson?
Wilson: No, Tim. I'm just reacquainting myself with t'ai chi, an ancient form of Chinese exercise. It balances the female and the male, the yin and the yang.
Tim: From over here, the yin thinks the yang is a "yidiot."