Jill: I love her.
Tim: When she's around, these boys start acting like... What is it? Human?
Jill: Mm-hm. I really like having another woman in the house.
Tim: Yeah, it's OK for you. But when I want another woman in the house; no, no, no...

Jill: Midnight? You shouldn't be out looking for a cab that late. We should lend her one of our cars.
Tim: Too bad they all have flats.
Jill: Here. Here. Take mine. Take my Healey.
Willow: That is really great. Thanks a lot, Jill. Bye, guys.
Brad: See ya.
Jill: Be careful.
Tim: Keep a close eye on that oil gauge. Two centimeters off to the left means you need oil. Try to find an English mechanic if you can.

Randy: OK, Mom and Dad, you guys can take it from here.
Jill: Aw, man. They are such show-offs. The girl leaves, they bail.
Brad: Well, we have to rest up for our massages tomorrow.
Tim: Hold on a second, guys. Finish those dishes or Daddy'll give you a massage with the ol' bulb blaster.

Willow: You weren't waiting for me, were you?
Jill: Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm a real night owl. I love the night life; I love to boogie.
Tim: Well, I have other issues.
Jill: So, what was it like? Did you have fun at the club?
Willow: It was wild. The bouncer wouldn't let my friend Dirk in because he didn't like his pants. And I tell Dirk, "He doesn't like your pants, take them off." So he takes them off. Then the other guys start taking off their pants. And they all get in the club.
Tim: Where do we keep the barium?
Jill: Tim, put a cork in it.
Tim: Well, there's an idea. Where do we keep the corks?
Jill: Upstairs in the attic.

Jill: Where are you going?
Willow: Out to breakfast with Dirk.
Jill: You sure it's safe to go out at this hour?
Willow: Yeah. Well, I appreciate your concern, Jill. But I'll be fine. I'm not a kid.
Jill: Well, no, it's not a matter of how old you are. I mean, I wouldn't go out this late.
Willow: Well, you also wouldn't get a bunch of men to take off their pants.
Jill: Not now. But when I retire, I'll need a hobby.

Tim: [o.s.] Honey, on your way up grab the stick matches.

Jill: Well, it's almost noon and Willow's not back. This is getting serious.
Tim: You're right. That Healey's gonna need some oil.
Jill: Will you forget about the car?

Jill: Oh, God. Wilson asked us to look after Willow. After one night, she's missing.
Randy: Wait, you lost Wilson's niece?
Jill: We didn't lose her. We just don't know where to find her. Oh, my God. We've lost Wilson's niece.

Mark: Hey, look. It's a receipt from a place called Just Jam and Jelly.
Randy: And on the 15th she went to a body-piercing parlor. Hey, that's pretty cool. Three more visits and she gets a free tongue stud.

Tim: Look at this. She spent a lot of money at Great Value Hardware.
Jill: [to Brad] You go to the hardware store. [to Tim] You go to the body-piercing parlor.
Tim & Brad: Oh, man!