Tim: "Tubby John's Jerky." Take a stick, guys. Felix?
Felix: None for me, Tim. My doctor got me on a low-fat diet.
Tim: Just started, huh?
Harry: You know, my father ate this stuff every day of his life and he lived to be 90.
Felix: All I know is that fatty stuff will clog up your hoses.
Tim: Oh, come on, Felix.

Brad: What are you doing?
Tim: What does it look like I'm doing?
Randy: Losing your mind.
Tim: Hey, what does that thing look like right there?
Randy: It's a pimple. The whole seventh grade is covered with them.
Tim: Maybe you're right.
Randy: Although, from this angle, it does kinda look like a boil.

Tim: I overreacted with Harry. He's not me and I do take care of myself. Which is probably why you teased me so much.
Jill: Well, to tell you the truth, that crack about Pimple of Doom was a little mean-spirited.
Both: But funny.
Tim: You're starting to act like me. When in doubt, go for the joke.
Jill: Well, it is a good way to deal with things that are uncomfortable. I didn't like hearing you talk about not being around.
Tim: Oh, so you like having me around?
Jill: Well... let's put it this way. I put so much hard work into you, I'd like to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Tim: That's good news. I'm a lucky guy. Got three great kids.
Jill: And a great wife.
Tim: And a great wife. And a great hot rod. I never thought I'd ever have a hot rod that beautiful...
Jill: Let's get back to that wife thing, OK?
Tim: And my wife.
Jill: Yeah, your wife.
Tim: I'm glad I turned 40 with you. And I'll be glad when I turn 80 with you. 'Cause by then the boys will be gone. And we can go out to the garage any time we want.
Jill: Except by then we'll need jumper cables to get started. [they kiss] Are you still gonna kiss like that when you're 80?
Tim: It'll be better. Won't have my teeth to get in the way.

Tim: Hey! Hey! This is a guy made out of tools. Look at this.
Brad: Yeah, it's a tool man for the tool man.
Mark: And we made it all by ourselves.
Tim: This is wonderful. Look at what they did.
Brad: Check this out.
Tim: Hey! Beer and corn nuts. Needle-nose pliers. These are my tools.
Randy: Well, you always say, "When it comes to tools, use the best."
Tim: This is great, guys. This is really great.

Tim: Honey, it will take a lot to top this.
Jill: I think I'm up to the challenge. Are you over your fear of death?
Tim: Yes.
Jill: You wanna live life to its fullest?
Tim: Uh-huh.
Jill: What is the one thing that you have always wanted?
Tim: [grunts] You didn't?
Jill: I did.
Tim: Oh. Oh.
[later, Tim is a passenger in a Blue Angels jet:]
Flight Controller: [over radio] Stand by. Stand by. Pull.
Tim: Excuse me, Captain. Does this look like a pimple to you?