Tim: Please bear with my wife, this is the first time she's ever been an auctioneer.
Jill: [bangs gavel] I'm gonna open the bidding at one hundred dollars.
Man: One hundred dollars.
Jill: [auctioneer voice] I got a hundred, hundred, hundred... Do I hear a hundred and a quarter, hundred and a quarter, hundred and a quarter?
Woman: Two hundred.
Jill: Two hundred from the lovely lady in the denim shirt. Do I hear three hundred, three hundred, three hundred? Talk to me, talk to me, swing, batter, swing. Come on, people. Stop sitting on your hands. This is big Bob Vila, the man who's the reason why men like my husband have a job.
Man: Seven hundred.
Jill: Woohoo! Seven hundred! [auctioneer voice] Seven hundred, seven hundred, seven hundred, going once, going twice... Sold for seven hundred smackeroonies to the man with the wonderful smile. Hope you're very happy with your tool man.