Christmas Quotes Page 4 of 4
Enjoy a selection of quotes from classic Christmas episodes of Home Improvement.
Quote from Tim in Bright Christmas
Tim: Look at this. A Partridge in a pear tree. [holds up a cardboard cut-out of a pear tree with the head of David Cassidy as Keith Partridge stuck on it]
Quote from Tim in Bright Christmas
Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Yule Man" Taylor. Of course, you all know my assistant, Al Borland.
Al: Thank you. Well, it's almost Christmas, and Christmas is a time for giving.
Tim: Right. And for you last-minute shoppers, the old "Tool Man" here's got a selection of last-minute gift ideas.
Al: And to start us off, we have the Binford 6100 Sleep Enhancer.
Tim: It's for you guys who just can't drift off to sleep. Now you got a machine that produces sounds to help you deep, deep sleep.
Al: That's right. We have "Primeval Forest," "Babbling Brook".
Tim: Boring. Boring. I like this one. [race cars sound] Ahh. Indy cars going 220 miles an hour. [snores]
Quote from Tim in Yule Better Watch Out
Tim: [on the phone] Hello. Detroit Edison? Yeah, this is Dr. Johnson here at 562 Glenview Road. Yeah, my wife and I are heading out to dinner. Could you shut the power off in exactly two hours? What? Oh, hi, Eddie. I tried this last year, huh? Didn't work then, either, did it? Yes, the firemen got me down. Oh, my tongue's fine, Ed. Thanks for asking. And a merry Christmas to you. See you. [hangs up] Whoa, oh, hi, honey.
Jill: You were going to turn the power off in the house of a 76-year-old retired proctologist?
Tim: If I could have gotten away with it, yes.
Quote from Jill in Bright Christmas
Jill: Oh. I brought you a present.
Wilson: Oh, my goodness. Oh, boy, that's heavy. Jill, is it fruitcake?
Jill: No, it's not a fruitcake! It's a Christmas cake. It's made with mangoes and papayas and... Oh, hell, it's a fruitcake! Fruitcake! Fruitcake! Fruitcake!
Quote from Mark in Yule Better Watch Out
Mark: Mom, can I have another piece of paper?
Jill: Honey, that Christmas list looks a little long. Let me see that. You know, I don't think that Santa's going to be able to bring you everything on this list 'cause that would make his sleigh too heavy.
Mark: Uh... I'll cross off the heaviest things.
Jill: OK.
Mark: Cocker spaniel. Bye, floppy.
Jill: You know, I think that you should pick out the thing that you really want and put a star next to that.
Mark: Okay, the remote-control dinosaur.
