Tim: You know my son, Randy.
Bud: Of course, I do. How could I forget the little guy? You still on the soccer team, huh?
Randy: Uh, no, that's my older brother, Brad.
Bud: Oh, oh, oh, you're the karate kid.
Randy: No, that's Mark.
Bud: Oh. Well, what do you do?
Randy: Well, I'm a journalist and I have some pretty tough questions for you.
Tim: You better come clean, Bud. Otherwise your name will be mud in the Lakeside High Reporter.
Bud: Oooh. We can't have that, huh?

Bud: I'm talking about Al.
Tim: What about Al?
Bud: Well, I know you guys have been together a long time and I just... Six years?
Tim: Yeah!
Bud: Oh, well, good. Well... I'm gonna put this as delicately as possible.
Tim: Go ahead.
Bud: You gotta dump him.

Bud: No, Mike can't make it today.
Tim: Well, I can't make it tomorrow.
Bud: Why not?
Tim: I got in a fight with Jill, and I told her I'd take her to that new Japanese hotel.
Bud: Oh, the old save-the-relationship weekend. We've all had those, yeah.
Tim: I guess you can understand why it would be impossible for me to show up for a business meeting.
Bud: Absolutely. I'll just bring the meeting to you.
Tim: No.
Bud: Yeah. Hotel bar, 5:00 sharp, you be there.

Bud: [on the phone] Listen, slight change of plans. Mike wanted to meet early.
Tim: Early? What do you mean, early?
Bud: Yeah, well, he promised his wife they'd go out for a romantic dinner.
Tim: Well, I don't care. I promised my wife we'd play "Hide the Soap in the Hot Tub."
Bud: Well, one of you guys are gonna break your promise, and it's not him. Now get your butt down here.
Tim: We gotta talk about this, Bud. [Bud hangs up]

Randy: Well, Mr. Harper, according to my sources...
Tim: According to his sources! [laughs] [clears throat]
Randy: According to my sources, your company has a poor pollution record. How do you respond?
Bud: Son, Binford is a responsible corporate citizen. We are committed to protecting our environment.
Randy: Well, then why does Pollution Watch call Binford, and I quote, "an egregious environmental offender"? And why aren't you doing anything to reduce emissions from your paint and solvent plants?
Tim: He's quite the little Dickens, isn't he?
Bud: Yes, he is. But, see, what the little Dickens doesn't know is, we're in the planning stages of a new emission reduction system. But even at our present rate, all Binford plants fully comply with government regulations.
Tim: There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. No offense.
Bud: None taken.

Morgan: Well, I have an extensive background in entertainment and reality television. I'm particularly proud of my last special.
Bud: Topless Cops on Ice. Oh, that was...
Morgan: And we feel that the stuff you do on Tool Time could be in that same league.
Tim: Really?
Morgan: Uh-huh.