Bud: Tim, you know, I've been looking over the scripts and they are terrific.
Tim: Great. It's always nice to have a boss appreciate my ideas.
Bud: Oh, I love what you're doing. Of course, if the ratings in the new markets aren't good, then I hate what you're doing.

Tim: I gotta go. Bud, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Mike, nice meeting ya.
Mike: Hey, hold your horses, cowboy. We're next up on the karaoke machine.
Tim: Karaoke?
Bud: Yeah, we're singing, Tim.
Tim: I can't sing, Bud.
Bud: Listen, if you can hug, you can sing.

Bud: Now, uh, Tim. I'm not gonna blow a lot of sunshine up your butt.
Tim: Good, 'cause it sounds like it might be kind of painful.

Bud: Now... Tim, there's an aspect of Tool Time I need to talk to you about.
Tim: Shoot.
Bud: Yeah, well, when I was watching the show, there was one thing that, I don't know, just rubbed me the wrong way.
Tim: Ah, yeah. You didn't like our salute to lubricants.
Bud: Oh, lubricants? No, no. Lubricants is great television. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about something I feel is keeping the show from really taking off.
Tim: Gadget Corner. We can dump that one. I don't like it.
Bud: Oh, no. I love Gadget Corner.
Tim: Yeah... So do l. I love that. That's good, too.

Bud: Well, I'm sure they're gonna love you. But I still have doubts about Al.
Tim: No...
Bud: Yeah, yeah. Which is why I made a little change.
Tim: Change?
Bud: Yeah.
[Al walks out with his hair slicked back, wearing a light pink shirt and an unbuttoned grey sweater-vest]
Al: This is not me!
Bud: Yeah, but that's what I'm going for. See, I'm trying to get that 20-something audience - that Generation X crowd.
Tim: This'll make 'em shut off their TVs.
Bud: I wonder how Al would look in a buzz cut?
Tim: His mom doesn't look too good in one.

Bud: Uh, Tim, you're a big Pistons fan, right?
Tim: Oh, yeah. One of the all-time great auto parts. [grunts]
Bud: No, no, no. I'm talking about the basketball team.
Tim: Mm-hmm.
Bud: Yeah. How would you like a couple of season tickets?
Tim: You're gonna give me season tickets?
Bud: Yes, I am... Right after you pay me for them.

Bud: Tim, it's Friday. What do you got? I bet you got so many ideas, you don't know where to start.
Tim: Right, boss. I don't know where to start.
Al: Well, you know, a lot of people in Chicago are apartment dwellers.
Tim: Al...
Bud: Wait, wait, wait. No, that's true. In fact, the research shows that 53% of our target audience... lives in apartments.
Al: 53 percent!
Tim: That's right! That's exactly why I came up with this. Chicago apartment dwellers have what?
Bud: Cockroaches?
Tim: No, no! Fire escapes. Picture this - fire escapes as urban patios.
Bud: I like it.

Bud: Tim, come here. Listen, I want you to meet Mike McKewen.
Tim: Mike McKewen, Tim Taylor. Good to meet you.
Mike: Forget the shaking. Give me a hug.
Tim: I'm not much of a hugging guy, thanks.
Bud: The man wants a hug, Tim. Give him a hug.

Bud: You know, Tim, it occurred to me that you and I have never gone out socially.
Tim: Bud, if you're asking me out on a date, I'll need more time. I gotta get my hair done or something.
Bud: Would you and Jill like to go bowling and have dinner with me and my wife tonight? And afterwards we can grab some dinner.
Tim: It sounds like it's right up my alley.
Bud: Yeah, all right. OK. Good deal.
Al: You know, Ilene and I love to bowl. And, you know, we're free tonight.
Bud: You're still free tonight.

Bud: So, how are the psychology classes going, Jill?
Tim: Well, I'd tell you, but I don't want to ruin your evening.
Bud: I understand. School is tough. When I went back to get my degree, I had to go at night because I was working full-time.
Jill: Really?
Bud: Yeah. I never thought I'd make it, but here I am.
Tim: Yeah. Bowling with the Tool Man.
Bud: That's the dream that kept me going.