Tim: So, the old lemonade tycoon. What are you doing? Checking up on your investment?
Al: Nah. No, no, no. Harry doesn't need me to help him run this place. Just, uh, pretend like I'm not here.
Tim: Comes naturally to me, Al.

Tim: Al, um... Excuse me, Al, but... May I remind you, I spend more here in a month than most people do in a year.
Al: Well, Tim, business is business.
Tim: Maybe I'll take my business some place else.
Harry: Oh, Al, what are you doing? You trying to give me another heart attack? Let's give him the discount.
Al: Harry, I didn't make a killing at Little Al' Lemonade Stand by slashing my prices.
Harry: Well, I still own 80% of this hardware store. And Tim gets a discount.
Tim: Thank you, Big Harry. Sorry, Little Al.

Tim: Are you outta your mind? You can't plug Harry's Hardware on Tool Time. This isn't your own personal forum, Al.
Al: What are you talking about? You use this show as your own personal forum all the time. Are you telling me that when I have something important going in my life I can't use this show?
Tim: Bingo.
[Tim and Al duck behind the wall after they realize the Tool Time audience is listening to them]
Al: You know what you are? You're a mean, selfish son of a gun. You're jealous because I have something you don't.
Tim: What? A beard and 50 extra pounds?

Jill: You look just like your father when I first told him I was pregnant. Now, now, this is really scary now. I like the big hair.
Randy: Quit picking at my face.
Jill: No member of my family's going out of this house with a loose scab.
Randy: It's the way all the kids are wearing 'em these days.
Jill: Oh, well!

Mark: Mom, Dad, look what Al gave me to add to my costume. [opens flannel shirt to reveal a Harry's Hardware t-shirt]
Tim: Oh, great, now he's got my kid advertising for Harry's.

Jill: Well, Tim, for the first time in 13 years you and I are alone together on Halloween. All we gotta do is turn the lights down low, get naked and scare each other to death.
Tim: Just tell me you don't have "Harry's Hardware" printed on your bra.
Jill: Well, after I get rid of these trick-or-treaters you can find out.

Ilene: I'm sorry to barge in like this, but I am really upset with Al.
Tim: So you wore that outfit to get back at him?
Ilene: This is my costume for the Halloween party at the Putt-Putt Panorama. Do you think it's too loud?
Jill: Oh, no, no, no.
Tim: What was the question? I couldn't hear it over your outfit.

Tim: Come on. Let me stay here, please.
Al: No. No, come on.
Tim: Let me just do it, just this... Whoa! What's this? [metal crashes]
Al: I don't know, but you just bought it.

Tim: You'll be happy to know that Al left the hardware store, he met Ilene, and they are now miniature golfing.
Jill: You're a good friend.
Tim: Yep. She's got the red ball, he's got the green ball and after nine holes they switch.
Jill: How about you? Are you and Al OK?
Tim: Yep. We're all right. He gave me the key to the hardware store.
Jill: He gave you the key to the hardware store?
Tim: He just doesn't know it yet.

Al: I know my behavior's been a bit overzealous. Hey, why don't I close up early tonight?
Tim: That's a good idea. You can meet Ilene. She looks pretty terrific in those little knickers she's wearing.
Al: In a few hours the Putt-Putt will be shut-shut.
Tim: You're such a nut-nut.