Benny Baroni Quotes   Page 2 of 6    

Quote from A House Divided

Tim: Wait a minute. We could help him out. Why don't we take a Tool Time crew over there and fix the furnace for that heating and cooling special we're doing on the show?
Al: That's a good idea.
Tim: Yeah.
Benny: And Tim, you yourself would do the repairs?
Tim: Yeah.
Benny: Forget it.
Tim: It's free.
Benny: I'm in.

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Quote from A House Divided

Tim: That's just how I see it, all right?
Benny: I don't care. You blew up my house.
Tim: I didn't blow up your house.
Benny: Who clapped?
Tim: I've clapped a million times. It's probably the one thing I've done that hasn't caused an explosion.
Benny: Till now.

Quote from Jill's Surprise Party

Benny: Hey, everybody!
Tim: Benny, what are you doing here?
Benny: I heard you were having a party for Jill. How come I wasn't invited?
Tim: Well... I didn't want you to feel obligated to bring her a present.
Benny: You know me. I never feel obligated.

Quote from The Vasectomy One

Marty: No. Jill's making Tim get a vasectomy.
Tim: Marty!
Harry: A vasectomy?
Al: Wow.
Benny: Oh, my God! Jill's getting you fixed?

Quote from Borland Ambition

Tim: Hey, Benny. You are always here. I thought you had a new job.
Benny: I decided to leave that position.
Harry: He was fired.
Benny: Which made it easy for me to leave.

Quote from A House Divided

Tim: Um, we can schedule this Monday morning, early, we got to be there about 6am.
Benny: Monday's no good for me. I got my Gamblers Anonymous meeting.
Al: Well, how about Tuesday?
Benny: Also no good. I'm going to the track.

Quote from A House Divided

Tim: Morning, Benny.
Benny: Hey, Tim, I hope you don't mind. I borrowed your bathrobe.
Jill: That's my bathrobe.
Benny: I should've known. It feels so soft against my body. I'll put it back.
Jill: Keep it.

Quote from Oh, Brother

Benny: Hey, Tim! You should be ashamed of yourself. You "trow" your brother out?
Tim: I didn't "trow" him anywhere. He walked out.
Marty: Yeah. That's right. I quit. Because Tim's a jerk to work for.
Tim: Oh, I'm a jerk?
Benny: This is why I make it a policy never to work with family.
Harry: Yeah. That and the fact nobody in your family would hire ya.

Quote from Wilson's World

Al: All right. Well, why don't you start with my entree?
Benny: My pleasure. Mmm.
[Heidi holds up a sign for the audience which reads "Root beer chicken in guava oatmeal sauce"]
Benny: Savory, tangy... ...a carbonated delight. I give it an eight.
Al: Well, thank you. Thank you.
Tim: An eight? An eight! Try mine, huh? Stick your fork into this.
Benny: Ugh!
[Heidi grimaces as she holds up a sign reading "Caramel flounder with chocolate chip chutney"]
Benny: Lumpy, noxious... ...an insult to my colon. I give it a minus two.
Tim: Minus two?

Quote from The Old College Try

Tim: Anybody want chili?
Benny: Is it spicy?
Tim: Could take the chrome off a bumper with this stuff.
Benny: I'll eat it. Extra onions.
Al: How could you digest that stuff?
Benny: I said I'd eat it. I never said I'd digest it.

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