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Believe It or Not

‘Believe It or Not’

Season 7, Episode 22 -  Aired April 28, 1998

After Wilson confides in Tim that he once saw an alien spacecraft, he becomes the object of ridicule when Tim tells other people about Wilson's experience.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I'm telling you, there's strange things out there we can't explain. [clanging] Like what was that?
Randy: It's Mark going to the bathroom. He goes the same time every night.
Tim: OK, OK. That explains the noise. But can you explain why a bladder that young is on such a rigid schedule?

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Quote from Tim

Tim: Hi, and welcome back to Tool Time. We're here with professional roofer Tony Bruschetta is talking about harnessing and safety.
Al: Tony's gonna show us two different systems which allow you to anchor yourself to the roof.
Tim: There's actually a third system which allows Al's mom to anchor herself to a frost-free Frigidaire.
Al: Well, Tony's family's been in the business for 65 years. You must've logged a lot of hours on the roof. Does it ever get lonely at the top?
Tony: Well, you know, I can't complain. I mean, I've got a roof over my head.
Al: Uh-huh.
Tony: No, wait, it's under my feet!
Tim: It's a 30-minute show, fellas. I'll do the jokes.

Quote from Tim

Tim: A lot of popular toys these days are remote control, cars, boats, planes, even submarines, but here's my favorite one right here.
Al: What would that be?
Tim: Well, the company calls it a flying saucer. It looks more like a blimp to me.
Al: I can't believe you'd be interested in this. It's quiet, simple, slow.
Tim: Just like you, Al. I've installed a little spy camera on it. Watch this.
[The spy camera shows two employees backstage, one of whom is smoking a cigarette]
Tim: Hey, what do you think this is, the teachers' lounge? Put out that butt.
[The employee flicks the cigarette butt at the flying saucer.]
Tim: Oh, the humanity!

Quote from Tim

Jill: What are you looking at, Brad? Are those school catalogs?
Brad: Yeah, I think it's about time I get serious about college.
Jill: It's nice to see you getting motivated about continuing your education. Randy, you could use those same catalogs when you're looking at school.
Randy: Or I could call my travel agent.
Tim: Still looking at these weird schools? You know, don't rule these schools out, why don't you check into Iwo Jima Community College?

Quote from Tim

Tim: Come on out, Wilson, and talk to me. Come on. I know you're in there. At least come out and wave at my little spy cam, Wilson.
[After Wilson's door opens, Tim's flying saucer is pinned against Tim's trellis by an arrow]

Quote from Tim

Jill: You're gonna have to learn to pull back. When a thought enters your mind, it doesn't have to shoot out of your mouth.
Tim: Well, if I could change things, I would. Because all I've done now is alienate the one person whose opinion really matters to me.
Jill: What about me?
Tim: What about you?

Quote from Tim

Tim: I start typing in the subject here?
Randy: Yeah. Try UFO.
Tim: Good idea. Probably a few websites, huh?
Randy: There's 103,000 websites.
Tim: I guess Wilson's not the only one seeing things.
Randy: Ah, there's a lot of nut cases out there. See what they're saying in the chat room.
Tim: A UFO chat room. I bet it's padded.

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