‘An Older Woman’
Season 7, Episode 13 - Aired January 20, 1998
Tim and Jill are surprised when Brad starts dating a college student who is three years older than him.
Quote from Randy
Brad: Well, I decided I'm not going to the party.
Randy: Yes!
Randy: All right, Brad, thank you very much. Your lack of self-esteem has made me a very rich man.
Quote from Tim
Brad: I'll be back by 11:00.
Jill: Oh, you don't have to come back early.
Brad: How about 11:30?
Tim: You're staying out till past midnight, no more arguments!
Quote from Tim
Jill: What's that smell?
Tim: I don't smell anything.
Jill: [holds up melted plastic tubs] Oh, man! You still haven't learned how to load a dishwasher.
Tim: It's a subjective thing, honey. Look, the Salvador Dali Collection.
Quote from Jill
Tim: So you're one of those real kids that shot through high school to college?
Samantha: No. I started when I was 18. I'm a junior now.
Brad: Yeah, we're both juniors.
Jill: Except you're in high school.
Samantha: Oh, it's hard to believe. Brad is so much more responsible and polite than the college guys I've gone out with. You raised a real gentleman.
Jill: I didn't know we were finished.
Quote from Randy
Jill: Well, I really wasn't ready for that.
Tim: Wait, wait. Hold it. If she went to college when she was 18, she's a junior, that would make her... well, older.
Jill: She's at least 20.
Randy: Who's 20?
Tim: This girl Brad's going out with.
Jill: What would a 20-year-old woman want with Brad?
Randy: Maybe where she lives she's not allowed to have a dog.
Quote from Brad
Brad: Well, it's our two-week anniversary. We should go somewhere special for dinner.
Samantha: Yeah. How about...
Both: Chinese!
Samantha: I know this great little place.
Brad: Hong Fat's?
Samantha: You know Hong Fat?
Brad: Well, yeah. I knew him when he was Hong Thin.
Samantha: I knew you were gonna say that.
Quote from Tim
Al: All right. Um, well, why don't we Heidi, some more questions? OK. Who else has a question? Yes, Brad? Ladies and gentlemen, this handsome young man is Tim's oldest son, Brad.
Brad: Uh, yes. I'm a twice-a-week shaver with a pretty light beard. What should I use?
Al: A big brown crayon.
Tim: Brad, why don't you introduce us to your friend there.
Brad: Oh, I'd love to. This is Samantha Hayes. She's a communications major at Wayne State and she plans to be a sportscaster.
Heidi: Oh. Is she your girlfriend, Brad?
Brad: Well, actually, as of today, this is my fiancee.
Tim: Fiancee?
Brad: Well, yes. We just decided to get married.
[Tim pops the balloon with the razor and splatters Al's face with shaving foam]
Quote from Jill
Jill: Mark, have you seen the salad spinner? I can't find it anywhere.
Mark: Yeah. I put it in the dishwasher last night.
Jill: Oh, no. [pulls out a melted plastic bowl] It's genetic.
Tim: [enters] Hi.
Jill: Hi. One of our sons is now melting plasticware.
Tim: Well, another one of our sons might be registering for it.
Quote from Tim
Brad: Mom, Samantha and I love each other and we want to build a life together.
Tim: Well, you better build a small one. Not much room up in that bedroom of yours, is there?
Quote from Jill
Samantha: Mrs. Taylor, you cooked a delicious dinner.
Tim: If you're gonna be part of the family, you gotta be more honest than that.
Samantha: OK. The brown stuff is a little salty.
Jill: Roll it around in the green stuff. It'll slide right down.