Tim: Hi, everybody, and welcome to Tool Time. I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. Of course, this is Al "the Available Man" Borland. Hey, Al, why don't you tell everybody what's on the program today?
Al: All right. Today we'll be, uh... we'll be showing you three easy steps in how to build patio furniture.
Tim: Al, that will be on Friday's program.
Al: Today is Friday.
Tim: No, today is Thursday, the day that precedes Friday.
Al: Thursday? Thursday... He's right. That's right. It's the day after Wednesday.
Tim: Oh, good golly. Looks like Al's got a bit of that spring fever, huh?

Tim: Mom's old stuff, huh? You didn't see a pink book in there, did you?
Randy: Oh, you mean Mom's diary. Yeah, it's under the pictures.
Tim: Now, remember, this is your Mom's personal stuff. I don't want you going in here without asking. You hear me?
Randy: OK.
Tim: Don't go in. That's personal things of people's. Stay out of their personal things. You don't ever go in there.
[Jill walks up behind Tim as he reads her old diary]
Jill: What are you doing?
Tim: Don't do that to me!
Jill: You were reading my diary.
Tim: I was not. I didn't have enough time.

Jill: I remember Greta Post. She was adorable. You should ask her out.
Al: Well, I...
Tim: He couldn't.
Al: No.
Jill: Why not?
Al: Well, she's...
Tim: She's something special.
Jill: Aw, so you feel a little nervous?
Tim: Yeah.

Jill: Al, don't listen to him. Listen to me. Ask her out, take her some place to dinner where you feel comfortable and relaxed.
Al: Maybe I could take her to my mother's house.
Both: No, Al.
Tim: Don't take her to your Mom's house unless she's out of town.

Al: Greta's here.
Tim: Great. Go ask her out.
Al: I was thinking maybe after the show...
Tim: No, no, Al. Go ask her now. Tell her you don't want to be just friends. Listen to me. Buck up. Show some mettle, man. Don't ask her out. Tell her you're going out. [grunts]

Randy: So, looks like you lost that diary forever.
Tim: Really, hotshot? Take a look in the dryer.
Randy: There's nothing there.
Tim: Look in the lint trap.
Randy: Wow! How'd you know that?
Tim: That's where she always hides stuff she doesn't want me to find.

Tim: Now, don't you read that. Back off. Oh, you can read this one. This is cute. This is sweet. "Today I met the man I'm gonna marry." "Dan Lyons...?" Who the hell is Dan Lyons?
Jill: Captain of the debate team.
Tim: [to Randy] I told you, never go into your mother's personal things. Ever, ever, ever!
Jill: Nice try, Tim.
Tim: Ever!
Randy: You're in big trouble now, Dad.

Jennifer: That dress looks very pretty. The color goes great with your skin tone.
Jill: Well, thank you. Gee, I'm not used to getting all these compliments in a house full of boys.
Jennifer: I'm sure Bradley compliments you.
Jill: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Bradley is the one exception. Where is he?
Jennifer: He said he was gonna change his shirt and wash up for dinner.
Jill: Jennifer... you must come to this house more often.

Tim: [burps] The men are ready. Clean, preened, ready to fill our spleens. Let's eat.

Al: How'd you know I was here?
Tim: There's only twice places you go when you're upset, and your mom wasn't home.
Al: It's her bingo night.
Tim: You know, I think when Greta decided to go out with you, she kinda figured you'd be with her.
Al: I couldn't. I did what you said. I howled at the moon, I showed her the hairs on my chest, and she laughed at me.
Tim: You weren't actually supposed to show her your chest. It's just a figure of speech.
Al: Well, I'm not a wild man, Tim. I'm not like you. I'm a nice guy.
Tim: Well, thank you.
Al: Well, that didn't... You know. I just... I wish there was a way I could apologize to Greta.
Tim: I think there is, Al.