Wilson: And now Al would like to recite the vows that he wrote for Trudy.
Al: My darling Trudy, what more could a man ask for than to be with a magnificent woman like you? You are my rock, my soul mate and my partner through this journey I like to call... [checks notes] Life. Come, my sweet princess, and we shall walk hand in hand...
Tim: Directly into The Twilight Zone.
Wilson: Cal, the rings, please? Trudy, do you take Al to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?
Trudy: I do.
Wilson: Al, do you take Trudy to be your lawfully wedded wife, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?
Al: You bet I do. [accidentally hits Trudy in the head as he salutes her]
Wilson: Now by the power vested in me by the state of Michigan and the Church of the Celestial Moon, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Al, you may kiss the bride.

Tim: Well, it's time once again to dip into the ol' mailbag. Heidi, the mailbag, please.
Al: I bet you're anxious to read all those letters congratulating you on your Ph.D.?
Tim: I don't think we'll have time to read them all, Al. [Heidi empties out two envelopes]
Al: I think we might.

All: [sing] Michael, row the boat ashore Hallelujah
Kyle: [sings] Then the Feds, they tax him more They'll always screw you!
Heidi: Oh, my God! What is that?
Kyle: Relax. Relax. Last time they landed, they were very nice to me.
Al: Sounds like some kind of a bus.
Kyle: Could be the rafting company's luxury motor coach.
Al: Maybe it's the Oak Ridge Boys!

Al: Not bad. 38 seconds.
Robby Gordon: In that amount of time, we could have changed 23 tires and a baby.
Al: I love that movie.
Tim: I wasn't going for speed. I was going for quality. 'Cause in racing, you don't want a loose tire to be a weak link. [the tire falls off]
Al: Or, in this case, the missing link.

Al: All right, we're gonna finish off our wall with adobe, which is a mixture of sand, straw and mud. Just trowel her on.
Al: You can use a trowel or you can use your bare hands.
[title: "What Al doesn't know is that Tim has added dung to the adobe."]
Al: Ah! There's nothing like the feel of fresh adobe underneath your fingernails.
[title: "What Tim doesn't know is that Al replaced the dung with real adobe."]
Tim: Pile it on, Al.
Al: I might add that, for you ladies at home, adobe makes a wonderful mud pack for the face.
Tim: Why don't you show them how to do that, Al?
Al: I'd love to, Tim. [smears adobe on Tim's face]