Tim: Let's get back to building that fence. We're gonna need more slats, so if you'll walk over and grab those slats for me, we can finish it.
Al: Sure thing.
[title: "What Al doesn't know is that Tim has hidden the collar in Al's tool belt]
Al: Could you get me those nails there, Tim?
[title: "What Tim doesn't know is that Al discovered the collar and hid it in Tim's tool belt]

Tim: Uh, I want to sit and chitchat, but I'm gonna go put the grill on. I'll show it to you later.
Jill: I thought you already did that today.
Tim: Oh, I didn't tell you. I met our new neighbor, Mr. Meat Man, Mr. Obnoxious. This guy comes over, breaks the grill...
Marie: Did he happen to give you a pen?
Tim: Yeah, with a big cow on. You know the guy?
Marie: Mm, I'm married to him.
Tim: Oh, yeah! Wait a minute. I said "obnoxious", didn't I? I meant "gregarious."
Marie: Listen, no need to explain to me. I call him a lot worse, believe me.

Jill: Oh, Tim. While I'm gone, can you try to get your foot out of your mouth?

Tim: What's going on?
Randy: Word got out about lover boy's idea to meet girls. Every guy in the seventh grade signed up for home ec.
Brad: Dad, I mean, they put us in separate class - 30 boys and no girls. And we have to sew!
Tim: I'd like to help you out, Brad, I really would. But I got a whole drawer full of socks that need darning.
Brad: Man!
Randy: And maybe after that you can crochet me a sweater.
Tim: Yeah.

Jill: Besides, it's an opportunity for us to go out with another couple for a change.
Tim: Well, pick another couple. How about Jack and Suzanne?
Jill: They don't like you.
Tim: We could go out with the couple we went out with last weekend?
Jill: Al and his mother do not constitute a couple.
Tim: Al's mother by herself constitutes a couple. "Where's the meat?"

Joe: Tonight everything's on The Meat Man. Don't even look at the prices. Order whatever you want.
Tim: Ah, chicken I'll have.
Joe: You don't come to a place like the Chuck House for chicken. You want steak.
Marie: Honey, let him order what he wants.
Jill: Well, why don't you try the steak?
Tim: I don't want the steak. I'd like the chicken.
Joe: But you can get chicken anywhere.
Tim: I like the chicken here.
Joe: No, you want the steak here. They make it so rare, you need eight rolls to sop up the blood.
Jill: I think I'll have the chicken.

Brad: I'm never gonna finish this stupid hat.
Randy: Well, then you won't get a chance to make the skirt that goes with it.
Brad: How'd you like a split lip?
Randy: Well, that'd be great, then you'd get extra credit for sewing it back up.

Al: Holy smokes, your folks are home! Quick, turn that off. Get up to bed. Mark! Mark, wake up. Wake up, you gotta go to sleep.
Mark: But I was sleeping.

Tim: And honey, I apologize for making up that stupid story. I was out of line. But you know what? If you and Marie want to go out as a couples, I'm in.
Jill: Marie and I definitely wanna go out as couples.
Tim: All right.
Jill: We just gotta find two other guys.

Jill: [on the phone] Yeah, Jerry. Oh, you want us to see your vacation videos? Oh, that's too bad. We can't do it. No, no. Tim's working late. No, he's not here. I'm so sorry. Maybe some other time. OK, bye-bye. [hangs up]
Tim: Liar, liar, bra's on fire!
Jill: So you wanna go to over to Jerry and Sheila's, and watch them argue their way through Europe?
Tim: That's not the point. Why is it I can't lie about you and you can lie about me?
Jill: Because I'm better at it! Tim, if you're gonna lie about me, you have to use common sense. Wait. Hold on. We have to find another guideline.