Emily: Does your grapefruit taste strange to you?
Richard: What?
Emily: The grapefruit, is it unnaturally sweet?
Richard: It tastes like grapefruit, Emily.
Emily: There's sugar on it. I can taste it. Consuela put sugar on it.
Richard: If you say.
Emily: That girl puts sugar on everything, like yesterday's salmon. Fish is not supposed to be caramelized.
Richard: I didn't notice.
Emily: Don't defend her, Richard.
Richard: I'm not defending her, Emily.
Emily: It starts with the grapefruit. Next, it'll be the berries, the melons. Pretty soon, everything in this house will be candied.

Emily: [over intercom] You're not still sleeping, are you?
Rory: No.
Emily: You're missing Katie Couric.
Rory: I don't watch Katie Couric.
Emily: Oh. I thought you watched Katie Couric. I heard you mention her once.
Rory: Grandma, did you find someone to fix the intercom yet? It's stuck at this one volume, loud.
Emily: I've been looking and looking, but the company that made it went out of business in 1973, the Binzer Corp. Arthur Godfrey was their spokesman.
Rory: Who?
Emily: He was sort of the Katie Couric of his day.

Michel: Can we walk a little faster, please?
Lorelai: Michel's still pouting?
Michel: I'm not pouting.
Lorelai: So your botox has worn off?
Michel: It has not. And I'm not pouting.
Lorelai: Then get with the spirit. This is a workout. You're being paid for this.
Michel: So it takes the three of us to stare at a stupid piece of cardboard? Maybe later we can all gang up on that light bulb.

Sookie: I'm so excited. It's like Spanish class when everyone gets a Spanish name.
Lorelai: What were you?
Sookie: "Sookia." I don't think it's a real Spanish name. I think they just added an "a" at the end.

Sookie: It's got to be a mistake. Got to be a mistake.
Michel: "Sores and Boils Alley."
Lorelai: Stop saying that.
Michel: We are on Sores and Boils Alley.
Sookie: What kind of menu do you serve on Sores and Boils Alley, huh? Huh?
Michel: Anything in a crust.
Sookie: Ugh!

Sookie: Why couldn't it be something that didn't ooze or run? Like a wart or a bunion? Bunions are okay. They're sort of onions mixed with buns. That's sort of appetizing if you don't think too hard.
Michel: You know what this means, don't you?
Lorelai: It means nothing.
Sookie: It means my next review will be in the New England Journal of Medicine.

Taylor Doose: [on the phone] Sores and Boils Alley is one of the most historical places in all Stars Hollow. In the 18th century, if you had a sore or a boil, you came to Stars Hollow to have it lanced-
Lorelai: Yeah, but-
Taylor Doose: to the very site of your establishment. Word is, they also had a leper colony in your garage. I'm trying to verify that. If we do, you get a plaque.
Lorelai: Okay, Taylor, look.
Taylor Doose: Truth is, this town wouldn't be here without your street. Sores and boils may seem minor to us now, as we sit here with our sea breeze astringent and our pond's cold cream, but time was they were the scourge with no cure. And where was that noble work done? Where were the sick cured and the suffering put at ease? I'll tell you where, on Sores and Boils Alley. In fact, I even have a valuable collection of antique lances. Yours for the asking, as a loaner, of course. The Dragonfly can display them in the lobby assuming you're bonded.
Lorelai: Look, the historical thing, it's swell. The boils and sores and lepers and lances, great stuff, if you're running a hospice in the 18th century. But I'm running an inn in the 21st.
Taylor Doose: And?
Lorelai: People come here for a beautiful, nice, romantic time. And part of what I slightly overcharge them for is the ambiance.
Taylor Doose: Is there a point here?
Lorelai: The point is that I don't want to have to go around advertising, "come to historic Stars Hollow. It's not as gross as it sounds."

Lorelai: Oh, I'm starved.
Michel: You're always starved.
Lorelai: Yes, but now, I'm "crash-landed in the Andes, eat my teammates" starved. I'll be back in an hour.

Lorelai: What's number two?
Kirk: Number two: Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg.
Lorelai: Chargogga-what?
Kirk: An old nipmuck Indian name. Means "You fish on your side of the lake, I'll fish on my side, no one fishes in the middle." Or maybe it means "Buffalo."
Lorelai: It's unpronounceable. Next.
Kirk: From 1768, something flavorful. Crusty Bulge.
Lorelai: Oh, come on!
Kirk: Is that a no?
Lorelai: Yes, that's a no. Kirk, these are not legitimate choices.

Emily: Everything else around here up to snuff? Are the sheets being over-ironed?
Rory: No, they're perfect.
Emily: 'Cause that's not an urban legend. If sheets have a high thread count, they can be over-ironed.