TV Quotes

Lorelai: All right, Davey, here comes the airplane.
Jackson: What did they say to kids to get them to open their mouths before there were planes?
Sookie: "Here comes the choo-choo."
Jackson: And before there were trains?
Lorelai: "Here comes the spoon."
Jackson: That's so on the nose.
Lorelai: One more bite, honey. Come on, now. Here comes the airplane again. It's flying through the air. It's beginning its descent. It's commencing its approach. It's lowering the landing gear.
Luke: It's signaled the ground crew. They're flipping their flashlight thingies. Would you shove that in the kid's mouth?
Lorelai: Oh, look, it's Bilbo Baloneypuss just in from the shire.

Rory: Hey, it's freezing.
Lorelai: What do you need? Hot tea, coffee?
Rory: Lip gloss.
Lorelai: Uh-huh. I have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and toasted marshmallow.
Rory: Anything in there not resembling a breakfast cereal?
Lorelai: Yes. It has no smell, but it changes colors with your mood.
Rory: God. RuPaul doesn't need this much makeup.
Lorelai: Well, you're crabby.
Rory: I'm sorry. I lost my Macy Gray CD, and I need caffeine.
Lorelai: Oh, I have your CD.
Rory: Thief.
Lorelai: Sorry, and I will get you some coffee.

Michel: [on the phone] Independence Inn, Michel speaking. No, I'm sorry. We're completely booked. We have a wedding party here. No, there is really nothing I can do. Yes, I'm sure. Positive. No, I don't have to look, ma'am. Yes, of course I'll look. [places phone down, continues sorting mail, picks phone back up] No, I'm sorry. We're completely booked.

Emily: And your usual, Lorelai? A sidecar?
Lorelai: Sidecar? No.
Emily: Isn't that your drink?
Lorelai: No, my drink is a martini. It's always been a martini.
Emily: Really?
Lorelai: Yes. Pretty much every one of the other eight thousand times I've had a drink here it's been a martini.
Emily: I would've sworn you were a sidecar girl.
Lorelai: Not even sure what's in a sidecar, Mom.
Emily: Well, Richard, apparently Lorelai would like a martini.

Lorelai: I just feel like I need more time.
Rory: I know.
Lorelai: I really just feel ambushed, you know? I thought I had so much more... time. I thought I had all summer to impart my wisdom about work and life and your future, and I just feel like I had something to tell you. Oh, on the bus, make sure you choose a good seat, you know because people are creatures of habit, and the seat you pick in the beginning could be your seat for the rest of the year, you know. Get a window seat, honey, 'cause there's so much to see. And you might want to sit in the back of the bus, because people there tend to be more chatty and friendly and... I don't know what it is about the front of the bus, you know, but people there just tend to be a little more bossy and uptight. It's just been that way since first grade. And, honey, I know what you're gonna say, but... Just don't wear shorts, okay, no matter how hot it is. It's not professional, and all that heat and those sticky vinyl seats, it'll be like ripping a band-aid off your thigh every time you stand up. Don't be too shy. Don't be too forward, but don't be too shy, 'cause you make a lovely first impression, but you really grow on people, too.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: You need ziplock bags. You should have them all the time, they're so handy.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: And I'm gonna give you that orange sweater. I know you've wanted it, um, you know what, I'm you know what finally gonna give it to you.
Rory: Mom, you've given me everything I need.

Jess: I just wanted to put some notes in the margins.
Rory: What? You've read this before.
Jess: About 40 times.
Rory: I thought you said you didn't read much.
Jess: Well, what is much? Goodnight, Rory.
Rory: Goodnight, Dodger.
Jess: Dodger?
Rory: Figure it out.
Jess: Oliver Twist.

Rory: The first week of school is called shopping week. You get to try out as many classes as you want before you pick the ones you want to stick with for the semester. I picked over fifty classes I'm gonna try out, plus another ten I'm gonna squeeze in if I have the time. They all sound completely amazing. I stayed up all night reading the class subscriptions over and over.
Lorelai: You do know that if you weren't so pretty, you would've gotten the crap kicked out of you every day of your life.
Rory: Walk me out?
Lorelai: Because you need the protection.

Rory: No, and think about it I bet that more than likely, very few people will even read the review, and most people aren't even interested in ballet in the first place. It's unfortunate and awful and I hate it, but what can you do? It's Avril Lavigne's world, and we're just living in it. Plus, most people left before the end, and I stuck it out. That's something.

Lorelai: Please stop that, Michel.
Michel: Oh, I cannot. I cannot stop this for a very, very long time. I buy milk from the organic dairy down the way. The nonfat milk has a blue top. Blue. Today, I find out that they have accidentally been putting red tops on the nonfat milk and blue on the 2%. 2%! For the last two weeks, I have been drinking 2% milk in my coffee every single day.
Lorelai: Insert gasp here.
Michel: That's two full weeks of two cups of coffee a day. It used to be one cup, but then, suddenly, the coffee started tasting so good, I added an afternoon jolt, and now I find out I've been consuming an extra billion calories a week.
Lorelai: At least it hasn't affected your ability to do math. Isn't this bouncing bothering you?
Sookie: It was, but now it's kind of like having a Beyonce video on.
Michel: Now I have to burn off all these calories and I have to deal with 2%-fat-milk withdrawal.
Lorelai: Michel, why didn't you just look on the bottle?
Michel: Oh, you just know everything, don't you, you little miss I-know-everything?

Rory: [on the phone] Logan and I have this romantic afternoon planned.
Lorelai: Oh, really?
Rory: We're spackling.
Lorelai: Oh. Well, spackle well, or whatever one says to encourage a successful spackle.
Rory: Have a good spackle?
Lorelai: Spackle on.
Rory: Break a spackle?
Lorelai: Knock on spackle if things work out.

Rory: It's okay not to like Jess.
Lane: I said I was happy for you.
Rory: I know.
Lane: God, I'm such a jerk.
Rory: You're not. Look, we're not always going to like the same things. Like, you like Smashing Pumpkins and I don't.
Lane: But that's only ‘cause you're close-minded and blind.
Rory: What can I say? They're not my angst.

Lorelai: It's a dark corner. The plant livens it up.
Jason: Plants need light.
Lorelai: They do?
Jason: It's the "photo" part of photosynthesize.
Lorelai: Oh, don't some plants just synthesize?
Jason: They really need the photo part.
Lorelai: None of the plants I ever had needed light.
Jason: Any of them live?
Lorelai: No. Whoa, insight!
Jason: Poor thing doesn't stand a chance.

Jess: What's going on with you?
Rory: What do you mean?
Jess: You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you.
Rory: I don't know.
Jess: What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale. Why did you drop out of Yale?!
Rory: It's complicated.
Jess: It's not! It's not complicated.
Rory: You don't know.
Jess: This isn't you. This. You going out with this jerk with the Porsche. We made fun of guys like this.
Rory: You caught him on a bad night.
Jess: This isn't about him. Okay, screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?
Rory: I don't know. I don't know.
Jess: Hey, uh... May-may-maybe we'll catch up at a better time. Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago, your birthday?