Richard: Christopher, are you sure you can't stay for a cigar? Cuban. Montecristo. Perfect complement to a tequila-cactus sauce.
Lorelai: Dad, we really have to get going.
Christopher: She's right, but maybe I could get a Montecristo to go.
Richard: Oh, nice try.

Christopher: Hey, have you seen the level?
Lorelai: The thing with the green bubble that goes back and forth?
Christopher: Yeah.
Lorelai: Yeah, Paul Anka and I were playing with it.
Christopher: You were playing with it with the dog?
Lorelai: Yes. I was trying to hypnotize him with the bubble, see if I could talk him out of the habit of chewing on the corner of the welcome mat, or I was gonna give him a wacky posthypnotic suggestion, like the doorbell rings, and he spins around in circles.
Christopher: Were you able to hypnotize him?
Lorelai: No, Chris, he's a dog.

Paris: Just a second. I'm in the middle of something.
Rory: Did you have a good-
Paris: Shh! No. I have to set up that Goldman Sachs interview before spring break. My Christmas was fine, thank you. I assume yours was, too?
Rory: It was nice.
Paris: Good. We've got the pleasantries out of the way. Can we move on?
Rory: I hope so. I am emotionally spent.

Richard: Don't apologize, Connor. That's precisely why I have office hours. Oh, and I'm supposed to tell you that you can also query me by email, although to be honest, I check it about as often as I do the Daily Racing Form.

Richard: Miss Gilmore, I believe you're next. The visiting lecturer will see you now.
Rory: Thank you. Oh, I like your office. It's cozy.
Richard: That's one way to describing it. So, have you come as a loving granddaughter visiting your grandfather or as an obsequious student trying to butter up her professor?
Rory: Well, I'm not buttering up.
Richard: Oh, good.
Rory: Well, actually-
Richard: Oh, I thought I smelled butter.

Lorelai: Wow, you're home early. I'm sorry it's such a mess. Um, the magic socks took us back in time. We were cavemen. It was really bleak, so we lived like this. I would've cleaned up, but when they woke up, the magic socks were gonna take us to an orphanage in England where they had to tidy up in exchange for one teaspoon of gruel.

Lorelai: Sookie, you know you can't walk off a pregnancy, right?

Lorelai: I want to see the TV. Holy cripes, that's big. Oh, my gosh. Does that come with a Slushee machine and a gangly teenage usher?

Richard: Now, when it comes to papers, I'm guessing that some of you, of course, will be asking me for an extension. You will be happy to learn that I have no problem with extensions. Here's what you do. You look at the due date of the paper, and then you mark it on your calendar two weeks prior to that date. And there you have it. I've just granted you a two-week extension. By the way, my office hours are every Tuesday morning, and you're welcome to come to me with any questions or problems, economic or non. My expertise extends beyond Keynesian theory, and I will be happy to lend an ear. So, let's get started. As you know, this course will take a specific look at [heavy breathing] processes and determinants of overall economic... [panting] [groans]
Rory: Someone call 911!