Lorelai: He's going down.
Rory: I hate to bring this up.
Lorelai: What?
Rory: Kirk has very little in his life.
Lorelai: Uh-huh.
Rory: He has no career, no girlfriend, no pet, no car. He lives with his mother, she won't even let him have his own key. The only thing he does have in his whole lonely pathetic existence is this marathon. If we win, if we take him down, if we take away that last little piece of dignity, then we leave him with nothing.
Lorelai: I wonder if he'll cry.
Rory: My mother, the Howard Roark of Stars Hollow.

Lorelai: Hey Kirk, relax. Dancing's supposed to be fun.
Kirk: You know what will be fun, Lorelai? Jogging around your prostrate body with that shiny temple of silver importance hoisted in the air for all to see. That will be fun.
Lorelai: Do you think serious Kirk is more disturbing than non-serious Kirk?
Rory: Actually, I think they're both about the same.

Jess: Dean's a jerk. Yelling at you like that, breaking up in front of everybody... the guy's a total jerk.
Rory: No, he's not. He was right. Everything he said. All those things about you and me, all those things about me... lying to him, and messing with his head. He was right. Well, wasn't he? Fine, he was right about me, then. Now go away.
Jess: He was right... about... all of it.
Rory: So, what now?
Jess: You're definitely broken up with Dean?
Rory: Yeah, I'm definitely broken up with Dean.
Jess: Okay. I have to go take care of something, then.

Lorelai: I need a great dance partner this year. Someone strong, non-clutzy, with lots of stamina. Ooh, how tall is that guy?
Luke: Mrs. Coulter's about 6'2".
Lorelai: Four years in a row, I have come this close to winning. Last year, I swear to God, I had it!
Luke: I know the story.
Lorelai: It was hour twenty-three.
Luke: I know the story.
Lorelai: I'm dancing with Henry Ho-Ho McAphie the third.
Luke: How many people heard me say I know the story?
Lorelai: And Ho-Ho's fading, so I'm trying to buck him up, saying "Come on, Ho-Ho. Stay with me Ho-Ho," and then all of a sudden he starts yelling, "Stop calling me Ho-Ho, it's making me hungry!"
Luke: Look, there goes Tommy Tune.
Lorelai: And out of nowhere, Kirk comes dancing by, waving a McDonald's hot apple pie in the air and of course Ho-Ho lunges for the pie and drops my hand and that was it. Kirk wins, I'm out. I'm gonna get that Ho-Ho someday.

Luke: Taylor, you are asking me to donate free coffee to hundreds of people so you can raise money to buy a tarp.
Taylor Doose: How 'bout fifty cents a cup?
Luke: How 'bout I charge for cream?
Taylor Doose: You would kick Tiny Tim's crutch out from under him, wouldn't you?
Luke: If he asks for a free cup of coffee, gimpy's going down.

Emily: Nobody likes the chicken that much, Lorelai.
Lorelai: I'm in a good mood.
Emily: Why?
Lorelai: My God, it's my ninth grade homecoming dance all over again.
Rory: Homecoming dance?
Lorelai: In ninth grade, I got asked to the homecoming dance and I didn't think I would, and I was in a really good mood, and Mom got so annoyed that she made me go to my room.
Rory: Grandma?
Emily: She was sitting at the table giving all the peas voices.
Lorelai: With a little encouragement, I could've been the Senor Wences of the vegetable set.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Hello?... What? Oh, no no, don't tell me that... Did you tell her how big the trophy is, because I am really not exaggerating here... How did your wife get a picture of me? Stanley, that is crazy! I don't wanna sleep with you... Did you tell her I don't wanna sleep with you? Put her on the phone. I'll tell her I don't wanna sleep with you... Somebody has to tell her I don't wanna sleep with you... Why are you insulted all of a sudden?... Stanley? [hangs up] Great.
Rory: What happened?
Lorelai: Stanley bailed.
Rory: No! Why?
Lorelai: Apparently, Miss Patty showed his wife a picture of me, and she thinks I look like Elizabeth Taylor, which makes her Debbie Reynolds, and Stanley Eddie Fisher.
Rory: That's crazy.
Lorelai: Especially if you've seen Stanley. He's no Eddie Fisher, trust me. Fisher Stevens, maybe.

Emily: Well, at least she thought you looked like Elizabeth Taylor. That was nice.
Lorelai: I have no partner.
Rory: You'll find another one.~
Emily: Elizabeth Taylor always did.
Rory: There's someone else out there, trust me.
Lorelai: I guess.
Emily: Here. Have some more chicken.
Lorelai: Thanks, Mom.
Emily: And if you'd like, later on, you can make my asparagus talk.
Lorelai: Oh, maybe next week.

Paris: Madeline - or may I call you Spicoli?
Madeline: If you have to.
Paris: This is the seventy-fifth anniversary issue. There is only going to be one seventy-fifth anniversary issue ever, and it's on our watch. We screw this up and we basically mooned a piece of history. Is that what you want? To B.A. history?
Madeline: But I don't understand. Last year was the seventy-fourth anniversary issue of the Franklin.
Paris: So?
Madeline: So there's only gonna be one seventy-fourth anniversary issue ever and we didn't do anything special for it.
Louise: I think the cover was of a deep-fried Mars bar.
Paris: That's because nobody cares about the seventy-fourth anniversary issue.
Madeline: I bet the person who worked on it seventy-four years ago did.
Paris: We're working Saturday!

Dean: I know this is a stupid question, but why can't you just talk to him?
Lane: Because yesterday he called to say that they were still looking for a rehearsal space and that he'd call when he had more news. So now I have to wait until he calls about the band and in between, I call and hang up on him. Pathetic.