Lorelai: Well, I'm running low on a lot of basics, and I just want to see if they got them in.
Emily: This is a cute little store.
Lorelai: Well, if you can be cute and unclean at the same time. All right, let's see. No. No. No. Nope, and this is the only store in town.
Emily: What are you looking for?
Lorelai: What am I looking for? Everything. They have nothing. The little they have is off-brands, which wouldn't be so galling, except everything's so far past its expiration date. Hey, help yourself to some Little George's chips. Yum, yum. Little George, pass. Oh, and look. Here we have some Aunt Molly's ice cream. You'll notice there's no picture of Aunt Molly on the carton. I googled her and got a mug shot, and all I could think was, "I hope she hasn't been selling that stuff to kids."

Lorelai: [on the phone] So I guess I was wondering if you'd heard anything about a small Connecticut town being sucked up into an evil demon vortex or cast into the fourth dimension or anything.
Rory: No.
Lorelai: Real Paul Anka still kicking?
Rory: Haven't heard otherwise. Check your hands.
Lorelai: No cream puffs.
Rory: I think you're good to start your day.
Lorelai: Thanks, hon.
Rory: Anytime.

Mrs. Kim: This is a wedding dress. It's the dress I wore when I married Mr. Kim 28 years ago.
Lorelai: Hmm, khaki with a big zipper down the middle. Fashion is a fluctuating thing, huh? Oh, oh, the dress is inside.
Mrs. Kim: Right.

Lane: It's all about the Hamiltons, baby.
Lorelai: You can't pay me to ruin your dress.
Lane: Look, forget about your parents for a minute and concentrate on this.
Lorelai: Wait, so you saw them, too? I'm not insane?
Lane: They've been walking around town all morning.
Lorelai: All morning? Any guess as to why?
Lane: Shred the dress, and I'll tell you.
Lorelai: Do you really know why?
Lane: No.
Lorelai: Well, then I'm not gonna ruin the dress.

Jess: So my eyes don't deceive me.
Luke: First thing's first. What the hell is that?
Jess: It's an abstract painting.
Luke: But what is it supposed to be?
Jess: Check the title.
Luke: I did. It's called "Untitled."
Jess: There you go.
Luke: I give up.

Jess: So you want the tour?
Luke: Give me a tour.
Jess: All right, well, this is where we work, Truncheon Books. There's usually desks and crap piled up everywhere, but we cleaned up for today. Those are the books that we put out. We publish our zine once a month, except last August, when my partner forgot to pay the printer. We let local artists hang their stuff up without ripping them off on commissions. We do performances over there, and a few of us live upstairs. That you don't want to see. It's a disaster zone.
Luke: This is yours, right?
Jess: Yeah.
Luke: I wanted to get it, but I couldn't find it.
Jess: Yeah, it's not exactly The Da Vinci Code.

Taylor Doose: Excuse me. Lorelai, what are you doing?
Lorelai: Shopping, Taylor. Why?
Taylor Doose: You're walking around disparaging my store. And not only is that insulting, it's against the law.
Lorelai: Against the law?
Taylor Doose: Code 14/B/14 triple backslash X-8, states that a citizen of Stars Hollow cannot denigrate Stars Hollow while standing on Stars Hollow soil. It was established in 1792. The original penalty was death by 40 muskets.
Lorelai: Really, Taylor, you misheard me.
Taylor Doose: You made a crude joke about Aunt Molly.
Lorelai: Well, you got to admit, Aunt Molly had it coming.
Taylor Doose: I don't joke about Aunt Molly.
Lorelai: Can you say BTK?
Taylor Doose: As town mayor, I could cite you on the spot.
Richard: This is Gropey McGee?
Taylor Doose: I beg your pardon.

Lorelai: Oh, well, we'll be lucky to get a table. There's absolutely nowhere else to eat in town, and even being Luke's fiancee doesn't guarantee me a meal when I want one.
Caesar: Oh, great, more customers.
Richard: Well, there seem to be a few tables available.
Lorelai: None of the good ones, unfortunately.

Lorelai: Mom, who do you think this is?
Emily: Luke's daughter. Isn't it?
Lorelai: No.
Emily: You're not Luke's daughter?
Girl: Nuh-uh.
Emily: I don't believe this. This isn't Luke's daughter?
Lorelai: It's definitely not Luke's daughter.
Emily: And here I was bonding with it. Who is this? Who are you?

Emily: You're telling me I played this insipid game for a half an hour and it's not even Luke's daughter?
Lorelai: What made you think it was Luke's daughter?
Emily: Well, it told me it was someone's daughter here.
Lorelai: Well, she must have meant someone in town.
Emily: Well, then she's a moron. Why would I play cards if there wasn't a family connection?
Lorelai: I guess she just thought you were being nice.
Emily: The little idiot kept tipping her cards so I could see them. So I pretended I didn't and specifically asked for what I knew she didn't have. The kid's a moron.
Lorelai: Okay, Mom. She's gone now.
Emily: Is it so stupid to think that she's Luke's daughter? She looks like Luke.
Lorelai: Mom, you can trust me that there will be no contact between you and Luke's daughter anytime soon.