Lorelai: [answers phone] I told you.
Rory: You told me what?
Lorelai: Whatever has happened at that party you got rooked into tonight. I told you.
Rory: Do you want to hear or do you just want to gloat?
Lorelai: Well, I'm a multi-tasker.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Do you have a pencil?
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: 'Cause there are twelve ways out of that house that they don't know about. Write this down. First, the basement. It's a little dusty, but almost foolproof. If you can't get there, grab a screwdriver and jimmy the back of my mother's closet. There's a false back.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: And if they haven't trimmed the trees yet, the second guest bathroom window opens out onto the massive elm and you can shimmy right down.
Rory: I am not going to shimmy. I don't need to sneak out, it's fine.

Luke: What's the matter?
Lorelai: Nothing a little patricide won't solve.

Richard: You were the one who designated the drinks portion of the evening to me.
Emily: You love drinks.
Richard: Drinks last one hour at most. Then you get the dinner portion, which can last several hours. Especially the way you structure things. You get more time. I should at least be able to serve appetizers with my drinks.
Emily: Fine. I'll leave. Have you drinks and your appetizers. You two better be hungry when you get inside, or else!

Emily: Who's she talking to?
Lorelai: How should I know?
Emily: Well, you're the one who taught her to leave her cell phone on at the dinner table.
Lorelai: That's for safety, Mom. In case someone forces her to eat five chickens and she has to call 911.

Emily: I didn't know you were still seeing him.
Rory: Umm, well, we got back together recently.
Emily: Really? Well, that's a surprise, isn't it, Lorelai?
Lorelai: I know. I'm floored!
Rory: He's been working crazy shifts lately and I've had so much schoolwork that we keep missing each other, so I told him to call me tonight.
Emily: Well, thank you for telling me. I'm just glad I got to hear it from you and didn't have to pick it up on the street somewhere.
Lorelai: 'Cause you hang out on the street so often, Mom, you and Melrose Larry Green.

Lorelai: You're moving to Stars Hollow?
Luke: No.
Liz: Thinking about it. There's some great places for sale around here.
Luke: They're not for sale, they've all been sold.
Liz: Plus there's a few stores around here that are willing to sell my jewelry on consignment. And I'd like a house, you know, with a fence and a lawn-
Luke: No lawns in Stars Hollow, we had them taken out.

Lorelai: Okay, so I brought a little ambience and a little Clooney.
Luke: George?
Lorelai: Rosemary. Oh my God, this is so great. I mean, besides the fact that it's an evening of you, it's also the first Friday in many many moons that I'm not at my parent's house and that knowledge is giving me a really warm, fuzzy feeling right about now. Meaning that if, by some chance, your meal winds up sucking, I might not even notice.
Luke: Excellent to know. To the warm and fuzzies.

Luke: Oh, I'm down to the artichokes.
Lorelai: You know, it may have choked Artie, but it ain't going to choke me. Some Little Rascals humor there for ya.
Luke: I know.
Lorelai: You know? You are the perfect man.

Lorelai: Hey, this is the same stuff from the diner.
Luke: Yep.
Lorelai: You're pilfering silverware from the diner!
Luke: It's my diner.
Lorelai: Yes, but it's wrong. You should have boundaries in your life, leave work at work. You need a work life and a home life and the silverware is your work life. I'm so telling Dr. Phil on you.