Lorelai: Mom, what is going on?
Emily: We let the Historical Society use our house for a walking tour. It's for a good cause, and I am never doing it again.
Richard: It was supposed to end at five o'clock, Emily.
Emily: I know that, Richard. What do you want me to do, throw them out?
Richard: This is not how it's done. This is not how proper charities work. You do not infringe on people's lives. You make a plan and stick to it.
Woman: Oh, look. They hired actors to be the family. How clever.
Richard: We are not actors!
Emily: Richard, please.

Emily: Richard, just ignore it and pass the carrots.
Richard: This is lunacy. I feel as if I was in a zoo.
Lorelai: Well, Dad, you know what monkeys do when they don't like people staring at them in the zoo.
Richard: No, I don't.
Emily: And you don't want to.
Lorelai: How do you know?
Emily: I can just tell.

Lorelai: So, how beautiful was she? Are we talking Catherine Zeta-Jones or the weird-looking Hilton sister?

Lorelai: Hey, when did Lane start working here?
Rory: Oh, a couple of days ago.She filled out an application, and Luke brought her in for an interview and everything.
Lorelai: An interview? So official.
Rory: Yeah. They sat in complete silence for a full five minutes, then Luke said, "How ya doing?" and she said "Good," and then he gave her the job.

Lorelai: So what do we get out of this?
Rory: What do you mean?
Lorelai: We got someone on the inside now, a friend of ours.
Rory: And out of it we could get?
Lorelai: The secret things he keeps back there.
Rory: His showgirl costume.
Lorelai: Extra jelly packets, butter, discarded day-old bread.
Rory: But we get that when we go dumpster driving.
Lorelai: This'll be easier on our shoes.

Lorelai: Boy, maybe this Lane/Luke team isn't gonna work out.
Rory: Hmm.
Lorelai: Where do you think Luke will go?
Rory: I don't know. Maybe a big chain will take him on.
Lorelai: I wonder if he has a forklift license.
Rory: He could redeem recyclables.
Lorelai: You mean recycs-able?

Sookie: Hello, little bubby. Did that mean old Michel wake you up?
Michel: I'm being Punk'd. I know I'm being Punk'd.

Sookie: Michel hates babies.
Michel: I do not hate babies.
Lorelai: Well, babies hate you.
Michel: They do not hate me.

Richard: You two are going to love this.
Lorelai: Is it as good as Toblerone?
Richard: Oh, it's better than Toblerone.
Lorelai: Whoa, what is that?
Emily: It's marzipan.
Rory: Marzipan?
Richard: The finest marzipan in all of Europe. Made by cloistered nuns.
Emily: We toured their cloister, it was right out of The Sound of Music.

Lorelai: So, Mom, maybe our guest would...
Emily: Oh, Jason, would you like some marzipan?
Jason: Would I? I love marzipan.
Emily: Take as much as you like, and put some extra into a napkin. Just not the one Lorelai spat her piece into.