Mia: You marched up to me, looked me right in the eye, and said: "I'm here for a job. Any job."
Lorelai: Well, IBM had turned me down for the CEO slot, so I was desperate.

Lorelai: You are a brilliant chef and to do things differently from how you do them now is ridiculous. You don't tell a great violinist to hold his bow differently. You don't tell a great cymbal player to crash his cymbals differently. You just let them play.
Sookie: There are great cymbal players?
Lorelai: Theoretically.

Lorelai: Man, it's such a relief to have that Sookie thing fixed.
Rory: I know, I hate fighting with friends.
Lorelai: That's what enemies are for.
Rory: God knows we have our share of those.
Lorelai: People who eat crunchy food with their mouths open.
Rory: People who dog-ear library books.
Lorelai: People who spit when they talk.
Rory: Oh, gross, you got me in the eye!
Lorelai: I did not!
Rory: You totally did.
Lorelai: You're full of it.

Rory: You've got this whole town down on him.
Jess: How did I do that?
Rory: You know how you did it.
Jess: Well, I'm familiar with the blue-book laws in this town, you could be talking about a lot of things. Dropping a gum wrapper, strolling arm in arm with a member of the opposite sex on a Sunday. [Rory points to the faded chalk outline] Ah. What about it?
Rory: You did it. The whole town knows you did it. They had a meeting about it.
Jess: You actually went to that bizarro town meeting? Those things are so To Kill a Mockingbird.

Rory: Too bad Grandpa's not here. He likes weird food.
Lorelai: Yeah, where's he eating his weird food tonight? Argentina? Morocco?
Emily: Akron.
Rory: Ohio?
Emily: Yes.
Lorelai: Get out of here.
Emily: I will not "get out of here".
Lorelai: No, Mom, I didn't mean really get out of here.
Rory: Why is Grandpa in Akron?
Emily: I don't know.
Lorelai: It was just a saying.
Emily: They sent him to deal with a problem with their local office.
Lorelai: A saying, you know, like "save me", or "get me out of here".
Emily: Lorelai, would you like me to put a mirror in front of you so you can see yourself during this conversation?
Lorelai: Sorry.

Lorelai: Dad's in Akron.
Emily: Yes. The amenities are atrociously lacking. He had to eat at a coffee shop last night. The whole thing's insulting. He's miserable.
Rory: I hate that he's miserable.
Emily: So do I. We really ought to do something.
Rory: Yes, I agree.
Lorelai: Warning, warning.
Emily: I'm glad to hear you say that, Rory, because I thought of a wonderful way to cheer him up.
Rory: Cool. What?
Lorelai: Danger, Will Robinson, danger!

Lorelai: How are you, Jess?
Jess: I'm not bleeding or anything.
Lorelai: Then it's gonna be a good day.
Jess: It's 7:45.
Luke: So?
Jess: So, dou want me to go to school, or you want to openly defy child-labor laws?
Luke: Go. Stay out of trouble.
Jess: I guess that means calling off the chickie run at the salt flats.
Luke: Out!

Lorelai: So, who taught you about all this business stuff? Your dad?
Luke: Please. My dad didn't even have a checking account till I finally got taller than he was. He bought this land with cash from working construction, built this place himself. Didn't have a bookkeeper, an accountant, or anything.
Lorelai: Wow. So you had no one showing you the ropes.
Luke: No, I figured I had to dive in on my own, fail if that's my destiny and forget what the experts say.
Lorelai: That is exactly my philosophy. Exactly. Except I'm not on my own, I'm diving in with Sookie. And failure is not even a choice of destinies. And I'm consulting any expert who will listen to me. Otherwise, it's identical.
Luke: I should be getting going. You gonna write this meal off?
Lorelai: Why?
Luke: We talked business. You gotta be thinking about these things.
Lorelai: No, I mean, "Why? I'm not paying for it." [Luke sighs] Exactly.

Sookie: Honey, I am so sorry. Am I late-late, or just late?
Lorelai: Two pieces of carrot cake and a rum ball.
Sookie: I'm so sorry. I swear, I meant to be on time. I was prepping the raspberry glaze for tonight's dessert, and it struck me: I made a blueberry glaze for the souffle I made last Tuesday, and this is Tuesday. And a lot of locals come every week on the same night every week. And I just didn't want to serve them, like, a similar dessert even though it's a completely different berry.
Lorelai: I need another rum ball.
Sookie: I'm sorry.
Lorelai: No, you're a perfectionist. And that attention to detail is why people call you "the maestro".
Sookie: Really? Who calls me that?
Lorelai: The people who eat the rum balls.

Lorelai: Fran, may I ask-
Fran: Go ahead, honey, ask me anything you want.
Lorelai: What happens to the place if you... If forever isn't quite forever?
Fran: I don't understand, dear. All I know is that I can't sell the place.
Lorelai: No, I don't mean selling it. I mean you would keep it forever, but what happens once you're no longer in the position of physically controlling the property?
Fran: How could that be?
Lorelai: Well, if you, um... If you...
Sookie: Take a long vacation.
Lorelai: Yes, take a long vacation. Thank you.
Sookie: You're welcome.
Lorelai: And when you're on that vacation, the property is just left sitting there. Well, what happens then?
Fran: Oh, I don't enjoy vacations. I toured the California Gold Country ten years ago. It was hot, and the bus smelled.