Lorelai: Whoa, check out the group. There might be loaves and fishes.
Sookie: I had fish last night.

Kirk: Do not heed the naysayers. They will not lead you down the proper road.

Sookie: It's lodged in there! It's stuck, for God's sake! It's not coming out!
Lorelai: You're insane.
Sookie: And it's growing all the time, just getting bigger and bigger. I've forgotten what it's like not to be expanding. I'll get so huge, I'll be the fat guy in Monty Python's Meaning of Life. I'll explode and slime the whole room. People could die.

Sookie: I looked up an elephant's gestation period, 22 months!
Lorelai: You're not an elephant.
Sookie: But Baby doesn't know that.
Lorelai: Why would Baby think you're an elephant?
Sookie: Because he's tiny and stupid and floating around in a sack of fluid. He doesn't know his butt from a hole in the ground.
Lorelai: What happened?
Sookie: You know, an elephant squirted me once at the zoo. Maybe it shot something on me, some kind of elephant-gestation juice.

Lorelai: Honey, I mean tonight. What happened? You were fine when I left you. Where did the freak-out come from?
Sookie: Are you listening? It's not coming out! The ship's too big and the bottle's too small!
Lorelai: You have to sit down and rest.
Sookie: For two hours, I've been doing everything I can to make it come out. I mean, I've jumped, jiggled, shimmied.
Lorelai: Add a feather boa and I could book you on the burlesque circuit.
Sookie: My pain is funny to you.
Lorelai: No, but you should not be hopscotching all around town trying to get the baby out. That's not how it works.
Sookie: This is my mother's fault. She fed me too much roughage as a kid. Bran and granola and rapini. And now my insides are all rough and grabby, and Davey can't work his way out of my sandpaper innards. I want booze. I want a Manhattan and a scotch and a beer and a Rob Roy and a sidecar. But I can't, and I'm mad about that. I want to give birth!

Lorelai: Fine, keep jiggling. I was just going through something, I thought you might be interested. It's from 1984.
Sookie: The book?
Lorelai: No, the year. It's my baby box. It's full of all these little things, mementos and stuff from the night Rory was born. I haven't taken it out in ages.
Sookie: Mine's not getting a box because mine's not coming out.
Lorelai: My walkman with the homemade compilation tape still in it. "99 Luft Balloons", some R.E.M., some Thompson Twins.
Sookie: I never cared for them.
Lorelai: The magazine I was reading that night, with a special feature on who's hotter: Andrew McCarthy or Emilio Estevez.
Sookie: They're both dogs.
Lorelai: My Bubblicious-gum necklace, my Chunky wrapper.
Sookie: Oh, I do like the Chunky's. I'd like bourbon better, but I do like the Chunky's.

Lorelai: John's digits.
Sookie: John who?
Lorelai: He was volunteering at the hospital for high school credit. He said, "Call me when you get your figure back."
Sookie: Sweet-talker. And for me, it was always Emilio 'cause he was kind of nasty.
Lorelai: Same here. Rory's first jumper.
Sookie: Bananarama?
Lorelai: I made it out of one of my t-shirts. It was the first thing I ever made her - ever made, ever. It was post-Gilmore economy. Look how tiny.
Sookie: Tiny.
Lorelai: She was the most beautiful pink all over. She even smelled pink. That sounds weird. I can't describe it - that little, pink, baby smell. [sighs] The first time her eyes focused on me and her little fingers reached out I was someone new. She had me.
Sookie: Emilio.
Lorelai: Rory.

Grant: Anyone sitting here?
Kirk: Yes. You have to go somewhere else.
Grant: But Miss Patty said I-
Kirk: You have to go somewhere else!
Grant: Okay.
Kirk: Perhaps there's an empty chair next to one of your friends, say, the high priest Caiaphas? Maybe he can accommodate you, hm?

Miss Patty: Okay, listen up, people. The fire department is out here because some dingbat parked in the red zone. Now, I warned you guys about parking there. So, who is it? Come on, speak up or you're gonna be towed. Who is it?
Grant: I saw it when I came in, I think that's Kirk's.
Kirk: You Judas!
Miss Patty: Go move it, Kirk!
Grant: Just trying to help.
Kirk: Shouldn't you kiss me on the cheek before you betray me?
Grant: You're gonna get towed.
Kirk: Just keep away from me, pal!
Grant: You know, I'm getting a little tired of this holier-than-thou attitude of yours.
Kirk: I mean it.

Kirk: If I've re-pulled my calf muscle, you are so getting it!
Grant: So perform a miracle and unpull it, you jerk!
Kirk: You're a blasphemer! You're a blasphemer and a traitor! And let's face it, you're unattractive.
Miss Patty: Okay, we got no time for this. Get your butts on that stage! And, apostles, keep Christ and Judas apart!