Lorelai: I mean, what's a football game last? Hour, hour and a half? [off Rory's look] Longer than an hour and a half? [gasps] Are you kidding me?

Jason: I thought the point of coming to a place like this would be to enjoy the food and the atmosphere.
Lorelai: Yes, but all of the atmosphere is out there.
Jason: You don't like the room.
Lorelai: No, it's it is weird, you know. I mean, the two of us sitting all alone in here. I feel like we're quarantined.
It's like the ebola room or something.

Rory: I went to junior high with him.
Lorelai: And?
Rory: He doesn't look that bad. He's the boy who dissected a frog, did not wash his hands, and then ate a sandwich.
Lorelai: Ew!
Rory: He's like the lost Farrelly brother. He's so stupid. He watched The Breakfast Club and decided to tape his own butt cheeks together.

Rory: Luke's gonna be mad. I mean, he hates it when we commandeer two tables during rush hour.
Lorelai: Oh, he only hated it that one time.
Rory: What time?
Lorelai: The time when we did it and he was mad.
Rory: He's hated it every time we've done it.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: No, only the one time.
Rory: Which time?
Lorelai: The time we did it and he was mad.
Rory: You're gonna do this to Luke, aren't you?
Lorelai: 'Til he's so dizzy he throws up.

Richard: This roommate of mine in sophomore year - we absolutely hated him. He was, in addition to being a complete nincompoop, rather a chubby lad. So one night, we tied him in between two mattresses and threw him out the window.
Rory: What?
Paris: I'm writing that one down.
Rory: Was he okay?
Richard: Oh, he was fine. He went to sleep. He woke up in the morning and picked up right where he left off.
Rory: Man.
Richard: We wound up throwing him out the window every night for a month, and then he transferred.
Rory: Well, do you think you guys tossing him out the window on a regular basis had something to do with that decision?
Richard: Well, it crossed our minds, yes. However, we were young and full of energy. Every day was an adventure. No challenge was too great. We wanted to change the world.

Emily: It's ten o'clock at night and suddenly I hear this terrible racket. So I go outside and there is May Richmond sneaking a 6-foot Rudolph into her garage.
Richard: That woman is working my last nerve.
Lorelai: So what?
Richard: So what? Don't you know what this means?
Lorelai: I'm racking my brain.
Emily: They're going to put a giant plastic reindeer on their roof.
Richard: Which is right next to our roof.
Lorelai: So, what, are you scared they'll keep you up all night playing reindeer games?
Richard: They can't light them up. The homeowners association has very strict rules about the amount of lights that you can display in front of your house, and they already have those lawn twinklers.
Emily: They could give up their lawn twinklers and focus solely on the reindeer.
Richard: I don't know. They were awfully proud of their twinklers last year. It was all they talked about.
Lorelai: Okay, guys, take a step back, examine the conversation you're having, and spend some time apart.

Richard: You want to go to a football game?
Lorelai: Well, if it's such a big deal, absolutely.
Emily: But you don't like football.
Lorelai: Well, no, I'm not the diehard fan that, say, you are, Mom, but it's Rory's school.
Richard: You won't get bored?
Lorelai: Yes, of course I'll get bored, but that's when the South Park impressions kick in.
Emily: Lorelai, we have invited friends, important people.
Lorelai: I'm kidding, Mom. I can only do Cartman.

Lane: You know, this is so completely unfair. I didn't even know Luke was looking for someone. I would love to work here.
Rory: Your mother would have let you?
Lorelai: I mean, Luke is a man. With man parts, we think.
Lane: Luke's is one of the few Mrs. Kim-approved places. No alcohol, walking distance to the church, and you can see my house from here. I totally need the money, and instead I get to return a box of doughnuts once a day.

Lorelai: How come you're not excited about life?
Rory: I find nothing exciting before eleven.

Richard: Lorelai, Rory. It's a fine day for football.
Lorelai: And funny hats.
Emily: If you're going to continue sitting on the ground like that, you should get yourself a saxophone and a tip cup.