Kirk: I don't know if you know this about me, but I have great creative ambitions.
Lorelai: I did not know that about you, Kirk.
Kirk: It's true. Don't get me wrong, I love the blue-collar work. I enjoy the plight of the everyman. But as much as the mailed letter delivered, and the DSL line installed, the latest J. Lo flick rented, fills me with a deep sense of pride, in my soul, I am Akira Kurosawa.
Lorelai: Seven Samurai. Great movie.
Kirk: Excuse me?
Lorelai: Seven Samurai.
Kirk: I'm sorry, I don't-
Lorelai: Akira Kurosawa directed Seven Samurai. It's a great Japanese movie.
Kirk: Japanese movie? No, I'm sorry, I have the wrong person. Who's the guy who directed all those The Facts of Life?
Lorelai: I don't
Kirk: Asaad Kelada. Sorry. In my soul, I know I am Asaad Kelada.

Lorelai: What do you need from me, Kirk?
Kirk: I've made a short film that I've been working on for five years now. And if I rush, I can have it done by Thursday night. I'm very proud of it. I was wondering if you would consider screening it before the movie tomorrow. It would mean a great deal to my career.
Lorelai: Well, what kind of movie is it?
Kirk: Oh, you mean, is it "blue"? No. Perfectly PG.
Lorelai: Uh-huh.
Kirk: It's not exactly Babe. It's more like Babe 2.
Lorelai: Got it.
Kirk: Same pig. Harder edge.
Lorelai: Okay, Kirk, I hear you. I want to help. Let me think about it, and I'll get back to you.
Kirk: Here's a copy of the film. Take a look and call me. And remember, I can edit out two of the "hells", but I need to keep all the "damns". It's a street-cred thing.

Rory: Forget it. Just don't answer the phone.
Lorelai: Hello? I get calls, too. I'm not What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? yet, thank you.

Jess: Hey, Teach.
Rory: Hey.
Jess: You guys done yet?
Lorelai: Just not yet.
Jess: Okay, well, I'll be right over there when you are. Just can't wait for that learning to begin. Hey, are we gonna do some of those Schoolhouse Rock songs?
Rory: I'll be right there, Jess.
Jess: Because they say if you make learning fun-
Lorelai: Give us a minute, okay?
Jess: Well, hurry, they say a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Rory: Jess, why won't you at least try to remember the Marshall Plan?
Jess: Have you ever read Please Kill Me?
Rory: No.
Jess: Oral history of the punk movement. You'd like it. You can borrow it if you want.
Rory: I'm here to help you study. If you want me to go, I'll go. But if I'm going to stay, then you will stop distracting me and start paying attention, understand?
Jess: I understand.
Rory: Good. And, yes, I would like to borrow it. Thank you very much.

Jess: Do you want to get out of here?
Rory: What?
Jess: I'm sick of studying.
Rory: How can you be sick of studying? You haven't done any studying. You've done card tricks, you've made coffee, you've tried to explain to me how on earth Coldplay could be considered an alternative band but as of yet, no studying.

Lorelai: [answers phone] Oh, Rory. Was it the China Ball, the China Doll or the China Wall that had the really good shrimp balls?
Rory: I think it was the China Doll.
Lorelai: Okay, these can go. You'll be so proud of me. I'm organizing the takeout drawer. I'm weeding out all the dogs, and I'm putting happy-face stickers on the dishes that have been successes to make our ordering more efficient.

Lorelai: Okay, you got your TV, your got your books, your magazines, you have your refreshments, your CD player, assorted CDs... Stan Freberg. You have your Sinead O'Connor because when life really gets you down Sinead's the one to teach you some perspective. You have a pad and paper in case you decide to write the great American novel. And over here, you have a tiny-but-annoying bell in case there's something that you need and don't have and you want to summon the common-but-lovely house-wench who will leave her talking mice and come to fetch the Contessa whatever she may require.
Rory: I think what Contessa requires right now is sleep.
Lorelai: Is your arm hurting you?
Rory: Nuh-uh. But the stuff they gave me made me a little dopey.
Lorelai: My little Marianne Faithfull. Scooch down now and go to sleep.

Jess: Could we talk about this later?
Luke: Why, you got a big Frisbee heist going down at 6:00? Jess, Mr. Merton said if you don't start doing better they're not gonna let you be a senior.
Jess: Bummer.
Luke: They'll hold you back.
Jess: Well, at least I'll know where my classes are.
Luke: Jess, this is serious. You're flunking out! You're looking at being in the 11th grade for the rest of your life! You'll be the kid in the back of the room with a beard and a racing form babbling incoherently about Steely Dan.
Jess: Steely Dan?
Luke: The group may change. The freak in the back never does.

Jess: Done.
Rory: This isn't Shakespeare.
Jess: It's not?
Rory: It's the words to a Clash song.
Jess: Ah, but which Clash song?
Rory: Hey, I'm not the one being tested.
Jess: Ten seconds. Nine, eight, seven-
Rory: Stop it.
Jess: Six, five, four-
Rory: You know, you're really starting to three-
Rory: Ooh, ooh, "Guns of Brixton".
Jess: A+.